I have an exam tomorrow morning for which I've barely put in month of slow work plus a week of cramming. The best I can hope for is a passing grade. I am completely at fault, but like last semester I repeated my mistake...

I was extremely motivated when I started my degree, wanting to be the best in my field, but quickly discovered that I'm not prodigiously talented after all, just regular. But this was ok, great as a matter of fact, because I made good friends at uni, and this gave me the additional purpose I needed. However, through a string of betrayals almost a year ago I was left alone and humiliated. I still haven't managed to recoup and replace those relationships. I feel like nothing. I had all the time in the world to study, but blew it on reddit and daydreaming. When there is nothing regularly going on in your life, you tend to set the dopamine meter higher and higher - sleeping in, social media, not working, daydreaming, etc. I failed an exam last semester, and thereafter made a realistic plan to prevent that happening again. Of course though, I didn't have the meager discipline to even follow that.

I want that drive I had three years ago. At the same time I don't want my life to only be about solving math problems day and night.

Wish me luck for tomorrow reddit, I'll need it.