I (late 30 transgirl) married with a guy (41M), who was, in the past, nice. We loved each other. When we started to date, he was liberal. It was 10 years ago. 2 years ago he turned into fascist. So, right now he wants to mass kill people based on their genes(by haplogroup), or for what did their grandfathers or grandmothers. He turned into monster. Also, 2 years ago, he started to physically abuse me. He broke my rib, used my own paper spray against me, smashed my face once. Broke a lot of my items.

I have to say, he always apologies for these things. Also, I have to say, the last time physical abuse happened 3 month ago, and maybe he managed to stop to do this.

What also is important: in the past, we had a lot of common hobbies. And often had intellectual conversations. Right now he lost his hobbies, he loves only politics, and watch guys like Andrew Tate.

Two years ago, I had friends. Right now I don't have them anymore, because I felt shame when my friends asked me about my husband, and it was so difficult to lie them. Also, I hidden fact that I'm trans from my friends - they expected, I'm just girl. So, basically, I have nobody to tell what is going on in my life.

Also, recently, I lost a work - was layed off, I work in the tech sector.

I have to say, during his attacks, or just day-to-day conversations, my husband never mention that I'm trans or not real girl, etc. Probably if he ever did it, I leave. Maybe he understands that it is worse than physical abuse.

I don't know how to fix my life. I was so happy 3 years ago. And 2 years ago, my life turned into hell. And I'm stuck in this hell. Abuse destroyed my self-estim. It was really low before it, because I'm a fake girl, can't bear, but as result, it's even lower. Even normal girl around 40 y.old has very low "value" in the "dating market".

Also, I don't believe, I can find somebody like my husband was 3 years ago, we had a lot of common. Like he was transhumanist (it's nothing about trans-people, just a philosophy), he is also software engineer, he had same values like me, and we immigrated from one country in Canada.

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