Going to start by saying I don't know if I'll end up posting this but if I do it's not worth the time it would take to read. I'm just typing it all out because I need to get it off my chest I guess and this seems like the place for that. Not even really sure where to begin, I've had what has felt like a very long life so far of disappointment after disappointment, and seemingly nothing ever going right, and I don't see any positive outcome that ends with my continued existence. Going to try not to say anything too personally revealing, but just to give an idea of a few of things from my list of bad; I was molested/raped by multiple people that I should have been able to trust, lasting for at least 8 years starting when my age was a single digit. Nearly a decade ago, I lost one of the last two people who ever seems to care about me at all, and with the way they've been talking I'm not sure how much time the last one has left either, although at this rate they may still outlive me. I've been in debt for quite some time at a level that I don't have any hope of recovering from, especially since what few hours I was getting at my job have recently been cut not even in half but in thirds, so there's no way that I'll ever catch up and I'll just keep getting further and further behind. Even as I type this, I am on a trip that in years past was the only thing that brought me any happiness, and I've spent most of the past two days not even leaving the bed in my hotel room. And the whole time I've been here this year, I've just been thinking that I hope some malfunction (like recent events with what I think was Alaska Airlines) happens with the plane and I just get ripped out of the emergency exit and die on impact, just so it'll be over and I won't continue to be a disappointment to everyone I meet, or at least not beyond disappointing whoever has to clean up the paste on the ground that was previously me. It's not just things that have happened to me personally either that led to this point, it feels like the world is going to shit and has been forever, with no end in sight. As much as I hate the idea of my enemies winning, I just don't have it in me to continuously try keeping my sinking ship afloat, and I really think it's time I stop trying. Anyway, if anyone bothered to ignore my warning at the start and kept reading, there's no sense to be replying because I'm logging back out of this account so I won't see anything anyway. I'm probably not going to kill myself cuz I don't think I could do that to the last person that seems to care about me, but I don't want to continue living either. But whatever happens to me I just hope it's quick, cuz I don't want to suffer anymore.