Long time lurker, first time poster here. I tend to ramble so apologies in advance.I was diagnosed with PCOS and ADHD sometime in the last two years and POTS in the last couple of months, though I’ve had all 3 for many years prior to official diagnosis. I feel like my body hates me. I have always had pretty crap luck with just about everything in life (Medical, relationships, general stuff) but I feel like this is my breaking point. I’m a geriatric CNA in a memory care and I love working with my residents, but I don’t feel like I can do as good of a job as I used to anymore. Since being diagnosed with POTS, I’ve noticed my symptoms have gotten worse. I don’t know if it’s bad timing or psychological after realizing a bunch of random issues I’ve had or years all stem from the same thing. I’m trying so hard not to be my medical condition but the exhaustion and everything have been making it so hard. I have always hated being the center of attention or just having the attention of strangers on me in public spaces. I have social anxiety which that alone sometimes makes going to places like the store alone difficult which was improving and I was doing so much better. Until recently when I started getting POTS episodes/flareups, whatever you want to call them. I haven’t fainted yet but I’ve come close and I’m terrified of having a fainting spell in general, especially while alone in the store and either having people see it or panicking and calling an ambulance. I can’t even afford that especially after my dad just came back from the hospital for the second time with a nasty infection. I already am scared of fainting and someone else having to deal with my unconscious body. This of course gives me anxiety and that makes the condition worse! Domino effect. I feel alone because my family has its far share of medical issues (Dad’s diabetic, sister has MS), they didn’t even understand/believe in mental health until the last few years, and I don’t want to be a burden on anyone or need special treatment/accommodations when they have so much more to worry about. Work has been dramatic with staffing issues and with me having to call off a few times because I’m genuinely not fit to work some days, I feel like I’m making things harder on all my coworkers who keep working hard daily. I know I can’t help it but it still makes me mad. My mental health has taken a swan dive thinking about all this because I keep trying to do things around the house recently, really easy things, but I have no energy and I keep getting dizzy so the list of things to get done just gets longer and I feel so helpless. The past couple days I’ve really only been able to do things that involve sitting or laying down for long periods of time and trying to push through some things, making it a little worse, because my dad literally just got back from the hospital and my brother caught a nasty cold so I need to help them. I vented a little bit to my best friend of 10 years and she just left me on read. I love her, but sometimes I feel like I don’t really matter to her sometimes as she just leaves me on read. She did actually reach back out to me hours later and gave me another friends contact who has POTS so that was helpful. I have another friend who genuinely care about so many things, but I don’t like venting to her because she is kind of “the girl who cried wolf” and had this really bad habit of one upping someone’s issues unless it was something super bad like the passing of a loved one. She has gotten better, but still does it occasionally and I really don’t need that. I don’t really have anyone else I trust and I actually hate admitting what all is going on in my head but I’m just so tired and can’t take it anymore so here I am venting to a bunch of strangers. Additionally, I’ve been working with my therapist on my apparent CPTSD which I didn’t even know was thing! But knowing I have that also made sense in certain aspects. Thank you if you’ve made it this far. I can’t really think straight and tend to ramble anyway so I’m sorry if none of this makes sense. I am getting psychiatric and medical help and I have requested some time off work to recuperate, I’m just waiting on responses from all parties. I have no intentions of harming myself so I’m safe there. I’m just so damn tired.