A lot of my posts pertain to my ex-girlfriend. Some people have called this fake. I really fucking wish these stories were fake.

No, this isn't a writing exercise. Yes, this account is fairly new but it's because I decided to create it as an outlet. I have a main, but due to me telling a very specific anecdote about an NHL player that only someone from my school would know, a couple of guys I know found out my identity (and he was easy to identify once he told me what year he graduated and HE USED HIS REAL NAME AS HIS USERNAME).

The Background My ex was the longest relationship I have ever had and I joined the dating game late. Too timid in high school, studying through university and making new friends and cultivating that relationship and ended having to be on the road quite a bit at my first job and also decided to travel a lot. I've had a few other relationships before her but they lasted a few months.

The bit about her ex-boyfriends (sans one) being POS's is all true. I think that's why she had such a warped perception about relationships. I should have seen the warning signs about how she said what he did for her while putting in that she would make fun of him as her "love language".

This girl relied on "I love you" as a reward and ghosting as punishment. The 3 week ghosting period was all real. The ghosting made me stressed because I honestly felt that I was going to lose her. But it got worse, I grew a backbone and told her that this has to end. But it got worse after a period of time and my mom and close friends told me to just let her stew in her ghosting and ended up telling me to leave her. So I did.

The whole thing about my family and friends hating her? True. My friend called her "abusive" and my mom called her an "ungrateful b-". This weekend I had to drive my mom around (she hates driving) and the place we needed to go passed through multiple areas where I went on dates with the ex. I kind of smiled because those were the good times. Then the memory of the ghosting and the verbal berating smashed those memories. My mom told me that I looked grouchy the whole trip. I told my mom and asked why she hated the ex so much and she told me that while I treated her the best that I could and tried to make her feel loved, she took advantage and treated me like shit. I have no clue of how much she told my aunt to the point that my aunt got me a "ditched the terrible woman cake" when I left.

I did create a burner to ask something else and a poster told me to Google narcissism and the ex matched all of the qualities.

So Why Create It Now? Our timeline was to meet milestones and this year was supposed to be our wedding. When things were good, I stupidly thought they'd stay that way and started shopping for a ring (got her ring size and damn engagement rings are expensive) so I got her a silver placeholder until I found find a proper one. Luckily I didn't.

I'm dealing with stressful situations (like dealing with my thesis supervisor "Dr. McChucklesHut and no, I have not reported him yet) so I ended up going back to therapy to understand how to deal with platonic interpersonal relationships better. But after telling the therapist about the ex, she linked a lot of what I was feeling about Dr. McChucklesHut and other situations to trauma of those years wasted on that woman.

That's why my posts really sympathize with people going through the same thing. The ghosting hurt so much. A lot of what she did dragged me down. While things are coming back, her antics and their aftermath still sit at the back of my mind.

But life moves on and I have a first date with woman who seems engaging and highly intelligent. But I'm anxious. I've been Googling how not to fuck up a first date.

tl;dr- people think I made this as a writing exercise (I'm actually a very good writer, I've been told that my documentation is still being used at my old workplace). But it's not. This ex is very very real and she's done some damage to me that I'm still feeling years later.