Background: I’m 39, been married for almost 15 years. Have three kids, good career. Life looks good from the outside looking in. Been overweight all of my life, but carry it well and am generally athletic. I could never date in high school. Not that I didn’t want to, but I was always just the “really good guy.” The assumption is I was not attractive enough. Lost some weight during the first year of college, and a few girls started to give me attention. Many still would not. Latched on to one of those girls who became my wife. Fast forward, we are nothing alike. Our marriage was based on physical attraction, I’ve gained weight, and she no longer initiates anything. We’ve probably kissed 10 times in the last 7 months. I’ve had moderate success in the last 6 months with online affairs. That is, until we share pictures. Some have been amazing conversations. The kind where questions aren’t asked, the conversation just flows. Pictures requested, pictures sent, and either I get ghosted, told “you’re attractive, but not my type”, or “you’re a really great guy, but…”.

I was responding to another OA post, to a woman would had described herself in a way that sounded Uber attractive, and I just thought, “why am I doing this.” Just to hear the same comments I heard in high school? I really am a good guy. I make good money, I am the sole income for my family, I take my kids to all their sports and coach them, I get two of them dressed for school every morning, I drive one to school every morning, I warm up my wife’s car in the morning, I do DIY projects around the house, do the yard, do the laundry, fold the laundry 50% of the time, make dinner after I get home 50% of the time, always clean the kitchen and do the dishes after dinner, bring breakfast in bed to my wife on the weekends, take the dog out at 5 am every morning, take care of all the bills, all the car maintenance, help with the kids homework, and have willingly offered to give orally every day. On top of that, I’ve lost 50lbs over the last 7 months, and plan on continuing… women of the world, I am a damn good guy. I’m not without fault, but I put in the work. I’m sorry that I’m carrying some extra weight, have an average sized third leg, and my genes prevent me from growing hair in the top of my head. How can I be “a really good person”, but not good enough? Don’t sandwich me positives because you don’t want me.

Sorry, maybe this was more of a rant?