I’m currently 55. She was 32 on 12/12/23 when she took her own life. But let me step back a bit. I met her on a hookup site - one may call it a sugar baby site. We met in the fall of 2015 and our chemistry was off the charts from the first second we were together. Her life was complicated, as most are, but her father had died 5 years prior and it devastated her. Her sister was a junkie and ended up getting pregnant so my friend essentially adopted and was raising the daughter. My friends grandmother lived close by but refused to move to a nursing home, so her, my friend and her niece all lived together in a 2 bedroom apartment. Mom lived down the road a ways, but they were estranged. We hung out frequently for…5 years? It was a long time. We would usually have sex but not always. We would go to dinner. To movies. Concerts. Sporting events. The zoo. We enjoyed each other immensely. I loved her, she liked me enough, but had so much going on that she didn’t want a relationship and I understood. Oh and she was also in nursing school. Pandemic hit and we kinda stopped hanging out. We reached out a few times, but hadn’t seen each other since early 2020. 6 months ago I discovered that she had a boyfriend and I was over the moon with joy for her! I thought “she’s finally got what she deserves; someone to love her” and it put my mind at ease. Just yesterday I went looking at her fb page and saw condolences and, well, the rest is easy to figure out. I’ve cried multiple times today. I’m so sad that I didn’t get to say goodbye to her or even send flowers to the funeral because it was last Saturday. (It should also be noted that nobody from my side or her side knew we were seeing each other). My heart is broken. I genuinely loved her and would have taken her and her niece into my home and my life in a heartbeat. Anyway, thank you for reading. Just writing this has helped tremendously. Just like any loss, time will heal my heartache. Thanks again