I'm not sure how to start this but I had a really shitty experience with someone who is involved in my local kink and poly communities I've been quiet about this for a few months but it's impacted me more than I thought and I need to actually talk about it. This whole experience has made me nervous to go to any kink events on the chance that I'll see him there

Last year I(25, 24 at the time) started a new relationship, we started seeing each other in March and in November the dynamic and relationship ended. I spent a Sunday night at his house and everything seemed normal and fine. He had sex with me the next morning and walked me to my car as usual. He said he needed a bit of space which was not like him so it confused me but I gave it to him, not messaging him like I typically would. This lasted for a few days then he abruptly ended our relationship and dynamic, with no warning or explanation.

I was collared by him and we had an understanding that if our relationship ended then he would return the key to my collar and properly release me(take the collar off me). He refused to do this and just kept saying he needed space, so instead a good friend of mine uncollared me. I still do not have the key back for my collar. I had to remove from his Fet(think kink FB) that I was under his protection even though he removed that we were dating.

I had spent time with him and another partner of his on a few occasions. One of the times we spent a weekend together and I went nonverbal(Im autistic) and got overstimulated. My ex and I had discussed when we first started seeing each other what the best way to support me during overstimulation is, including what meds I need and where I kept them Despite this my safety plan was ignored and I was only given my meds thanks to his other partner. I ended up falling asleep crying and felt unsupported and like a burden.

One night I was at his house because I was grieving the loss of a pet. Before going to his house I explained I wanted to come over because I needed support. He knew this but instead of support I ended up feeling like I was his booty call.

When we first started seeing each other I was very direct and asked if our age gap was a factor of him being attracted to me(18 years between us) and he swore up and down it wasn't. I later found out he has a thing for significantly younger people so I feel I was lied to. If I knew my age was a factor in his interest in me, I wouldn't have continued the relationship

I do virtual sex work, my ex and I had made some content together. When he ended the relationship I tried to talk to him about what he wanted done with that content and I was ignored. He eventually ended up removing his consent form on OF which in turn removed a bunch of content from my account. Which he completely has the right to withdraw consent and I respect that, its just the way he went about it was really disrespectful considering that was a conversation I tried to have with him.

I had also attempted to talk to him about pictures and videos he has of me but again I was ignored. I do not know if he's deleted content he had of me and that makes me really uncomfortable.

I dont know what I'm looking to come from talking about this but I do know I don't want to keep feeling scared to go to kink events. He was supposed to be the "safe person" who helped me get back into the kink community and the complete opposite happened. I've kept quiet about this because he's more established in local kink and poly groups whereas I'm not so I was nervous I wouldn't be taken seriously. But I need to try to heal from this whole situation and keeping quiet is not going to allow me to heal