(quick context, 'Year 9' in the UK is the 3rd yr of secondary school when you're 13-14yrs old, 'Year 10' when you're 14-15 and 'Year 11' when you're 15-16)

I've never told this story in full but even tho it's been nearly 4yrs it still weighs on me.

Right now I'm 19 and I was an early bloomer - grew to my current height of 5'8 when I was 12/13, and grew body and facial hair at 14. My friends and family always said 'omg you're gonna grow so tall' and meh never happened, making me the smallest guy by height in the family and cousins by 3 inches.

This isn't mainly about height tho.

I have the exact average p*nis size, and again it's been the same size since I was 12/13. In Year 10 me and a girl from class were sexting, I sent my dick and then ofc that got leaked in my year. I was known as one of the 'smart' students so it really felt like a punch to the gut, especially when I heard comments from people saying 'it's so small' and 'is that it?'. And yes even I thought it wasnt big I was just stupid enough to send it

This whole thing is something I still kick myself for, but what came next brought me down even more.

I'm in Year 11, revising for my upcoming tough exams, then I go to get lunch during break. In front of me in the lunch queue are 2 girls from Year 9. They're talking, then turn to me and randomly ask 'are you gay?'. I was confused af but just said no. Then one girl showed me her phone screen and said 'thats not normal for a 13yr old', and on the screen was a tall naked guy in the shower with abs showing the middle finger to the camera (someone else is taking the pic) and his flaccid p*nis was bigger than my own erect size. I stared for a second before saying 'uhh, no'. Then she told me his name and I cant remember what happened after but yeah

I found out a week later that a girl in my class who ppl knew was a bit sl*tty had 'slept with a guy from Year 9' and i felt a random chill. And I knew I was right when I finished school late the next day and was walking towards the gates of the school exit when the same guy from the picture (who's at least 6'1) was standing there and the girl from my class along with her friends were coming from another direction and said to him 'hello big boy'. And since then I'd see the guy around school either surrounded by his mates or talking to hot girls.

And it really really crushed me because all I could think about (and I still think about this) was how if I was genetically blessed like him then my pics being leaked could've got me really good attention and make me feel great about myself. Instead I had (and still have) intense jealousy and hatred towards a guy who's 1 or 2 yrs younger than me and yet he just happened to wake up with something guys like me would die to have cos it attracts positive attention instead of negative.

It's hard to fully describe in words the frustration I still have, and genuinely made it harder for me to focus on my exams. I'm not bad looking but I feel so cheated by puberty that it's made me hate my body more and more as time passes.