Thx Trauma

He’s part of a large circle of Youtubers on Nebula that I’ve been following, just confirmed who he was. It sucks that an online space I really enjoyed being in now has constant reminders of this person

A decade ago he publicly humiliated me multiple times in front of a substitute teacher, classmates and my gf

Was homeless house-hopping at the time and ended up skipping class and school, eventually hospitalized for severe S***dal urges, had to change schools and lost friendships and relationships. I managed to graduate on time but I ended up living in several different places over this time and had to give up on scholarship opportunities (still haven’t been able to pursue college)

Was all of this on him? Absolutely not

Did he significantly contribute to my feeling of emotional safety in multiple classes at a time I was deeply vulnerable? Yes

Even the most confrontational kid in my grade told me once “If I were you I would have hit him”

He seems to be using his platform for good, using social media and videos to bring attention to very important issues

At the same time it hurts knowing that someone who impacted my life in such a negative way is not only respected for the negative things he brings attention to but he’s also successful and happy while I’m currently trying to support myself and family. Am still directly impacted by my experiences back then (scared of money, threats to housing, physical touch, trusting others etc)

I don’t want to have to be reminded of my past when I’m trying to enjoy hobbies

Edit: A lot of people have been vulnerable and shared similar stories or made me feel listened to, respect to y’all. A lot have also challenged me to change my perspective, bringing up how important it is to acknowledge that people can behave in horrible attention seeking ways because of their own circumstances (especially as a teen)

Appreciate that, I think it’s unfair to label people and put them in boxes. Am gonna try to look for more things I like about him as the person he is while also acknowledging that my experiences did hurt. Keep my life revolving around me