I don't know where to start on this one. I dated this guy around a year ago, for about a year. The relationship was really just awful on all counts, I felt unloved, I was frequently beaten, he cheated on me, overall it was just a nightmare. For some reason though (trauma bond, I guess) I stayed having feelings for him, and have since struggled to get over the breakup even though it was a year ago. He's since moved on so much with his life, he's completely sober now, has a new job he seems to really like, and he recently for some reason (I guess to just rub it in my face?) told me he has a new partner. Meanwhile, I've really been struggling. I just lost my job, I honestly don't think I've been happy in years, I just feel like things overall are really bleak right now. I'm bitter- I'll just admit that because it's true. But I can't help but be angry.. like, how come he gets to hurt me to a point where I haven't even really felt like myself since, and then get to have the kind of love he made me feel like I was never deserving of? I know I've got a lot of shit to work through still on this one but damnit, it just doesn't seem fair. I can't help but have these spiraling thoughts of how I must have not been good enough or maybe if I hadn't been such a loser he would have wanted me. I want to just be ok and get past that point in my life so bad but especially after this, I just feel like I never will be able to. I don't know if I was his "testing the waters" gone wrong, as I was the first male he was ever with, but at this point I just seriously wish I had never met him. He love bombed me really early on and I feel like if it hadn't been for that I would have been ok, because I wasn't even really interested in him until that point.