I feel like the world's biggest dumbass. I'm so angry and frustrated with myself for letting myself believe you were different and good. I’m mad at myself for falling for your bullshit. You made me believe so many things - how I was your calm place when you had your episodes, how you thought of me every day, how you missed me so much even after all these years, how you truly only loved me. I ignored all the signs because there was no way you could lie to me. You were always honest, or so I thought. You'd call me by my favorite name, and it felt like nothing had changed between us. I made myself believe I was the bad guy for ending the relationship five years ago and have felt like I ended the best thing in my life. Somehow we always came back to each other, and it felt like we were always picking up where we left off, but you had me fooled. This whole time, you had someone else. You always dodged the question whenever I asked if you were seeing someone. You had excuses for everything - why I couldn't come to your place, why you wouldn't share where you worked, why you could never talk on the phone, excuse after excuse. I believed them like the idiot that I am because I never thought you'd lie to me. I want to tell you how you're the world's biggest asshole and how I'm done coming back to you. I want to tell you to never reach out to me again and forget I exist. But I won't say anything because I know doing that will mean nothing to you. You won't feel any remorse or regret. You're a selfish asshole who only thinks of himself. I want you to know that you're absolute garbage. You're a manic alcoholic who thinks the world revolves around you. I hate you.