I was living with my, at the time, best friend. But, we had a falling out, due to, I never had anyone come over and he had a multitude of overnight female guests and assorted friends. Sometimes they would be there when he wasn’t there. That’s not the issue. The issue was, I constantly had things coming up missing. Since I left, all of which never returned.

His most frequent female visitor, was his “ex.” I only say that because she and her daughters once lived there, but, things happened and she got an apartment the three of them moved to. However, she would still be there 3-4 nights a week. This wasn’t a problem either. The problem was, everything about her I totally, punched in the face, anvil landed on my head was attracted to. She had tattoos, as in, places society found unacceptable. She either had a shaved head or a dyed faux-hawk, of an assortment of changing colors. She stood just above the 5’0” area, with a total weight never exceeding 105lbs, played guitar (as I do also), wore sparkly tops or ragged ripped dress shirts, black leather pants or skirts with fishnets. She rocked Chuck Taylors or some type of boots. I mean, EVERY. SINGLE. THING. ABOUT. HER. Turned my amp all the way to 11!

Since we aren’t friends anymore, I really want to tell her all this. Especially since the reasons that terminated the friendship had nothing to do with my being attracted to her. If nothing else, I desperately would love to get just 24 hours with her and myself alone, due to, we actually genuinely seemed to enjoy each others company when situations and events surrounding us weren’t being manipulated or falsely narrated to ensure that we always had a slight bit of anger or resentment towards the other. Looking back at the entire span of time, I’m wondering how much of our mutual dislike for each othered was actually fueled and spurred on deliberately? So often, she held in captivity many thoughts, fantasies, and day dreams of mine. If nothing else, it would be nice to clear the air and get rid of any bitterness and negative feelings that may be between us, and resolve all of it by her at least letting me eat her out while she is wearing those fishnets. I mean, you know? A standard issue, good old fashioned apology.

T.L.D.R. Friendship with my best friend dissolved over bullshit totally unrelated to the metal-melting hot lust I have for his “on-again-off-again” girlfriend.