My future sister in law is here in the US as a refugee. Her paperwork is in the works and she will be able to work very soon. I am getting worried for her mental well being. She’s been here a year, and my sister, her partner, is controlling every aspect of her life; when she sleeps, wakes, showers, eats, how she spends her money, and commands her around all day. We (my family) have all called attention to her, asking her to please treat her sweet and kind fiancé with love and respect. My sister thinks we need to stay out of it.

I recently witnessed her gaslight her gf, verbally be abusive, control every dime she spent (calling every time she bought something) and telling her she cannot work where she wants to work. She’s not allowed to have her own friends, and my sister is bothered that she has “private conversations” with others - including me. She’s removed all of her gf’s autonomy and her gf is clearly depressed and feels trapped with no family here except us (my sister’s fam).

I have spoken to other family members, we are concerned that the situation is escalating and extremely toxic and the culprit is my sister who is emotionally being manipulative and extremely controlling. I told my sister’s fiancé that she can call me anytime and we (my fam) have her back despite this being my sister who is causing the trouble. Sadly, my sister is a psychologist and I feel like she’s embarked on using manipulative tactics to create a classic lesbian DV situation. I don’t know what to do. I have lived through being a victim of DV abuse and this is classic textbook behavior and it’s very triggering to see her do this.

They are in MA- if you have queer DV resources I can give her gf, I’d like to help her feel empowered to stand up to her.