For context my dad died 4 years ago in a some pub fight apparently he got in a altercation with 3 guys and one of them got the better of him and got him down then his mate came up stomped on his head leading to a dramatic brain injury making brain dead before he got the hospital. When this all happened i was 16 it was Saturday they couldn't get ahold of my mum because she was abroad at the time so i woke up early morning to knocking at the door it was the police they asked my name, if i was related to a robert(my dad they said his full name i'm not for privacy reasons) and if an adult was present i said no but im 16 i can pass on a message or contact an adult if needed they said we are really sorry and we would like to you too call a family member after we tell you. I said ok and i got the news i didn't cry be i held out hope they was wrong and he would wake up in a few days so called my aunty and she came over and took me to hospital he was in and the moment in sore him i knew he wasn't ok. I left my mum a message but she didn't see it till a few days later do to her phone not working and need to get it repaired about 3 weeks later after my mum came back we decided to take him off life support the doctors recommendations because there was no chance of him coming back.

Now for the thing i read it was off some random short about mens mental heath and it said "the only day a man gets flowers is the day his loved ones put them his grave" and this hit me because i don't remember my dad ever getting flowers while he was alive. And this has just lead to a spiral of things and put me in a bad head space, like i know he wouldn't be proud of who i became and were i am right now, i know he would beat my ass before he would help me get on my feet again. And right about now i just want to tear something apart and crawl in some hole and rot. Don't even care if anyone reads this its just only place i could think to say something like this so thanks if you do read it.