First of all, sorry english isn't my first language, and I'm a bit lost so the text might be messy.

Hello everyone, I'm 22 and I've been in a weird situation lately and I feel like I'm loosing it. I've always had low self-esteem, and kinda always hated myself to the point of self harming.

Recently, I've had thoughts of hurting myself coming back, thing are spiraling inside my head and I can't focus on anything.

A few months ago I started to talk to a woman online, and I feel like we are getting closer, she make me feel great, we started doing things together long distance, like reading the same books and having like a book club meeting after that of some sorts.

I always knew that she was older than me, and she recently told me that she had kids and was married but getting divorce soon. And ever since she has been distant with me, barely say anything, or talk, where before that she would always talk to me about everything, how she felt and all.

It had taken a toll on me, because I started to really like her, even if it was probably just an online fling.

I don't know what do to, I know it's probably just in my head and my low self-esteem is probably taking over, but I really liked talking with her, she made me feel great but now I feel like she just used me to feel better when she was feeling down at some point.

If anyone have any advice or anything, please feel free to send in comments or DM whatever yiu prefer. Thanks whoever read all of this.