I love politics. I got a degree in political science, and was extremely fortunate to get a job with my university that put me in contact with state representatives the term before I graduated. My boss was well-connected, and he recommended me to an up-and-coming freshman state lawmaker who already was chairing some committees.

He also is a Republican. I am not.

I decided to meet with him after learning about his policy positions (pro-public education, nothing at all about social issues, moderately conservative on economic matters, etc.), and the first thing I said was that I was a registered Democrat. What I didn't tell him is that my political leanings have always been somewhat to the left of the Democratic party, but I said I would be working for him, furthering his policy goals, and would work my ass off.

To his credit, he hired me.

I really like my job. I get paid a fair wage. The only problem I had with the whole arrangement was the knowledge that he could possibly not get re-elected, or that he could find out he didn't like working with me and cut me loose.

We agreed that after a break-in period, he would decide whether or not to keep me on. I worked hard. After a while, he said he wanted to keep me on. We discussed the future: if Republicans were in the majority, I would be doing policy full-time; if they were in the minority, I would do half office work, half policy. Either way, he wanted me full time, but was planning to let go of his interim staff member if Republicans didn't win the majority.

The election came and went, and the Republicans found themselves in the minority. "OK," I thought, "I'll be doing half office work and half policy."

Then he called me a few days after to drive an hour and meet him before he went out of state for a few days. Yikes. I thought I was getting canned. Turns out, he wanted me to re-affirm that I was on board with his policies, which I was: they were quite reasonable, and even if they weren't I had resolved to keep my mouth shut and work for the experience. I had never said anything about being dissatisfied, because the truth is that I very much liked my work. The meeting felt like cold water, but I got over it once he re-affirmed our previous agreement.

A few weeks later, we talk again. This time, he tells me he's not getting rid of his interim staff. He wants her to do the office work. He wants me to commute 2 hours EACH WAY to his district for some of my full-time hours.

This was not our plan. It was hard to tell him that I didn't have any interest in commuting, and he assured me it wouldn't be a regular thing.

But now the seeds of doubt sown weeks before had blossomed: had I done something wrong? Was my work not good enough? He didn't express anything to me of the sort.

That brings us to now. I feel very insecure about my position. I have no idea what his plans are, because now I don't feel I can trust him. I signed a year-long lease after he affirmed he wanted my help, and now the plan for my full-time status has been pushed back several months. This wouldn't be a huge deal except for I have already been just scraping by for months: my partner moved up without a job, and though she has one now that is fulfilling and that she enjoys, we don't have nearly as much as we planned.

Our water was cut off on Halloween... I showered that night with a gallon-size bottle of water (and have the pictures to prove it. IT WAS COLD AS HELL, and you can't rinse very well!). Our phone bills are becoming unmanageable. We have no TV. We have no car payment. For those things I'm grateful, but the problem is that I took this person at their word, and they fucking broke it.

I feel really odd. I never once have felt I've compromised my morals in my work. That is a good thing. The most "controversial" legislation I worked on was about letting union members redirect a small portion of their dues directly to the school at which they worked: I wouldn't necessarily agree with it, but if that's the worst I've worked on, it's not all that bad.

But I feel really soured on the fact that this person, whom I trusted because of his position and the recommendation of my former boss, pretty much fucked me on this. And now I can't say anything because I don't want to get canned.

I am looking for other work, and the weird part: I LIKE my current job... I just want to KEEP it. And without the knowledge that I am reasonably secure so long as I work hard and so long as the Earth doesn't move beneath our feet, I don't feel like I can stay, or afford to even if I wanted to.

This insecurity has been a constant source of anxiety, to the point where I visited the doctor's office more times in a month than I had in the previous 15 years for what I thought was a slow-moving heart attack, but what turned out to be the acute physical symptoms of anxiety. Those symptoms, fortunately, are gone now... but I'm left with the same psychological residue and a $700 bill to the hospital that I have no way of paying right now.

I want to make clear: my biggest "off my chest" moment is this breach of trust, and the uncertainty of my job. I appreciate that people are here that read this stuff, and I now realize how long this is. Comments of support or from people who know what I mean, and how they handled it, would be very much appreciated.

Thank you all.