I always had been the one who initiates playing with others, but due to me being such an uncharismatic person, I always buy games just to play with others, instead of the other way round.

Now I feel like I wasted money only because I want to ply with them in hopes of feeling accepted. But whenever I do so, suddenly the people who I see playing it and have fun, just drops it without a second thought, and then I get paranoid about whether it’s because of me buying it and trying to play with them, and them thinking that they should abandon ship before I get any sort of interaction.

Now I just play games by my own, but I feel like I’m ostracized, as if no one would care what I play, or if they ever will come asking and want to play with me. I feel unwanted and disposable. And I hate this urge of constantly needing to socialize so as to hopefully find someone I like. Maybe I’m just hardwired to need to find a partner and I’m fucking sick of this thought process.