As a black woman, I get so tired of having to pretend like everything is okay and nothing bothers me. Particularly, in the arena of love.

Yes, I understand that everyone is allowed to date who they want, especially when they don’t even speak negatively about black women. I also understand that I am not entitled to anyone’s love or preference. I get it. I do.

But do I have to pretend that I am not hurt or bothered?

As a woman, I am first and foremost judged and valued for my looks and what kind of man I attract. It is a special kind of hell to be arbitrarily placed at the bottom of the beauty hierarchy because of my race, something that I can’t control and isn’t even objectively bad.

I hate being gaslit about how no one controls what they’re attracted to, and it has nothing to do with racism. Then why do we see racial preferences aligned with the pattern of stereotypes? Asian and white women have more positive stereotypes and are the most preferred. White men have the most positive stereotypes and are the most preferred. Preferences are not evenly distributed amongst races like they’re just natural and uncontrollable. And this happens in almost every culture too! Whether it’s directly due to colonization or “dark skin meant that you were a poor laborer, it has nothing to do with white people”, it ends up in the same place. Black women get the short stick in beauty and dating. We face heavy discrimination from everyone.

I hate hearing guys describe their ideal girl and she never looks like me.

I hate hearing about how women have it so easy in dating, yet I am constantly rated lower than my non-black counterparts. A black woman who is a genuine 8 would be rated as a 6 then told that she’s trying to date outside her league. Meanwhile regular white women get normal dating experiences. If you’re a white woman and you’re ugly, you probably did something to make yourself ugly.

I hate being seen as a “niche interest”. I am not just a woman; I am a black woman. Like I must market myself to this minority of guys who like black women or make an extra efforted move on a man for him to see me as dateable option. Meanwhile, everyone else just gets to be a woman, and is a dating option.

Insert anecdote here about how someone knows a beautiful black woman who everyone wanted and got an amazing guy and maybe you’re just ugly and bitter OP. Insert ignorance here about how on average, most people have a dating preference or racial discrimination, and this “preference” is to the detriment of black women.

It hurts. And I can’t solve it. I can be the best me I can be. I am a pretty woman with a great personality. But oftentimes I am overlooked. Dating matters. Love matters. The hardships in such matter. I am so tired.

No black women do have bad attitudes. The world treats us terribly. And I get tired of pretending it’s never supposed to bother me.