Hey y’all, I’m not good at talking to anyone about anything, but I have to at this point. My (25m) mental health has been kicking my ass for 4years now. I’m getting a divorce from someone who , at the time, was the love of my life . The actual love of my life doesn’t want anything to do with me. I’m in dept , I’m tired everyday, I’m losing interest in everything. In highschool I was loud and confident. Now, I’d rather stay home , people give me really bad anxiety. I’m not a small guy either, I’m not the strongest either. At least I know I have a fighting chance . But it’s not the fear of getting hurt it’s the fear of people in general. I have a short social meter compared to my teenage years. I’ve done nothing but make mistakes but I at least try to fix them. And I feel like I’ve been doing nothing in my life.

With all this going on, I’ve felt a deep loneliness. It’s not like I don’t try. I’m just not good with women. I try dating apps and only men really try at me . Sometimes as a ego boost I entertain these guys ( since I’ve started that I see why girls do it, men are super horny and it’s actually nasty), but I block them the same day . I have a fansly , but men rather get free nudes or kink talk but block you when you tell them a price. Money is an issue for a lot of people I try to make it mine too, but it’s hard . And that the only reason for my fansly .

With everything going on rn ( the rest I don’t feel like typing) I’ve been having dreams of suicide and suicidal thoughts for the last two years. They’ve haven’t gotten any better and I’m sure they won’t any time soon. I have the boys to talk about it but I get tired of telling them , we all have problems I don’t need them caring mine too. On top of that, I wish I had a women too just vent too that’ll actually listen. I heard a couple years back that “men will struggle with mental health for 3 years, commit suicide, then be forgotten in a month.”. I hope it’s not true but seeing how I’m feeling now, I don’t blame a soul for it anymore