This is one of many lessons that I'm beginning to learn while on my healing journey. It's beginning to click why it's been said that a healthy relationship is only borne from healthy individuals.

A relationship doesn't change you, but reveals the person that you are.

If you look for a relationship to validate your existence, then likely you will believe that it's your partner's responsibility to validate you (or that you could look for validation from anyone else besides your partner).

If you look for a relationship to fill a void in your life or because you feel like you are lacking somewhere within, you will find that an intimate relationship will not ultimately fulfill you and make you happy.

If you look for a partner to make you feel secure and comfortable within yourself, you will likely come to expect your partner to provide consistent assurance and validation that you are enough for them and they will never leave you.

If you want a relationship to provide for you a sense of self, you will likely see your partner as an extension of yourself rather than an autonomous individual.

If you enter into a relationship only to avoid being alone, you will likely find out that the relationship makes you feel even more alone.

If you enter into a relationship in order to keep up with the Joneses, it won't take very long before realizing that the cost of playing the comparison game can be too much.

If you look for a relationship to fulfill a need to be needed, then you're setting yourself up for being taken advantage of by others who will use your relationship with them as simply a means to an end.

If you enter into a relationship because it fulfills a needed transaction (i.e., getting married to leave a broken home), it is highly likely that your partner views your relationship in the same manner.

I'm learning that an intimate relationship is not going to provide healing, validation, security, a sense of purpose, wholesome entertainment, stability, direction, and enabling my heart and soul to come to life. It is my sole responsibility ~ as a human and as a woman ~ to provide those things for myself. It's not for the intention of setting myself up to have the right kind of relationship but because ~ at least for me ~ it represents a healthy and well-rounded life.

A healthy relationship is a reflection of the health and integrity of both parties involved. Two broken people cannot make each other healthy.