Jesus- where the fuck do I even begin with this?

I have been struggling to find work ever since I graduated college. Coming home to a small town with no car severely limited my options on what I could do. So, I did some couch surfing and tried finding work wherever I could before eventually returning home with my head hung low and hating myself for being a failure. I applied for my job back in September and was led along for 3 months until I ran into a friend who is also working there. my friend asks me what I am doing for work, then upon hearing that I am doing nothing, he calls the manager out to demand I get a job. Then, like some act of God, I am pretty much hired with a begrudging "sorry, I tried getting back to you but I guess you never got my calls or emails saying you got the job". I could live with that, the apology was hollow to me, but hey- I have work, I can buy a car now and get on with life. Yay!

Well, not even a week into my new position I am getting weird texts from my manager from 11pm-1am. Then comes the weird comments about showing me off to his family and how great I am, or how it's weird how I am still single. I don't mind a compliment or being appreciated for my efforts, but getting those texts/copmments made me feel ill. Many of which by the way were sent on Christmas Eve/Day so when I didn't respond back right away I was flooded with a series of "my bad, shouldn't have said that.", "You don't hate me, do you?", "hey??". What could I say to him? This guy controlled my employment and I was desperate for the money, any sign of rocking the boat would be met with being fired. I say that with confidence because a bunch of jobs were cut after I was hired. As a new hire, I am pretty much fucked one way or the other. No matter what I could possibly say, there would be no hope for me. I swallow my pride and self-respect then just continue to grind away. Weeks go by now my hours are being changed last minute, my breaks are being taken from me or I being strongly encouraged to "think about how the rest of the team".

The final straw came through last week. For a brief bit of context, I am a huge horror movie fan and that is a very well-known fact about me. I love Hellraiser, The Thing, Alien, Dead Alive, etc. The more wild and violent the movie the better in my eyes. I was getting ready to clock out from work before my manager shows up at my register with his phone in his hand. With no warning, the screen is shoved into my face and on it is a decapitated guy's head. My body locks up before he says "I want to see how much of a real psycho you really are" because apparently liking horror movies means I must want to see actual people being murdered. My manager hits play then a bunch of different NSFL vids are flashed in my face with the volume all the way up. Some of the videos consisted of a man being stabbed to death, a man being struck in the chest with a pickax, a woman being murdered by a group of men, and several bodies in different states of dismemberment/rotting. The whole thing was a sensory overload, the music and sounds were over the top and jarring as well as the quick flashing editing of the video. There was no warning, no prompting, no asking if I even wanted to see anything like this- but he just smiles like a fucking kid pulling the wings off a fly while showing me all this horrible shit. I leave not long after and have a panic attack on my walk home. Now all he does is stare at me when I am working. he has tried making small talk with me but I just get the urge to vomit whenever I look at him.

I don't know what I can do at this point. Apparently, this has been a pattern with other new hires at this place. One guy who was a high schooler allegedly was targeted as well. Upon trying to turn the manager into higher-ups, the guy was met with an "I know his type and you aren't it". That is the word of mouth I have heard from a couple of different former employees though. I want to run away so fucking bad. I hate feeling like I am constantly being watched by this creep. I am so close to getting the money I need to buy a cheap used car off Facebook, but I feel so worthless. What if there is nothing better for me out there? What if I am stuck at this stage of my life forever and that's it? I can't handle it anymore. No one in my family understands and I don't even think I could get them to if I really tried. I want to live my life and make somewhat of myself. Is that so fucking hard to do? Is there anything I can do to make sure nothing like this happens to anyone else? I think that is what makes me the angriest, the fact that other people have had the same experience. There have been so many warning signs and I feel like an idiot for not seeing them. I just feel so burnt out and torn up inside. I wish I knew what I was looking for by posting this, but I think I just need to scream and cry into some void.