I lost my grandma on December 11th. She was the only close family member I had and now she’s gone.

My birthday is on Monday and I’m feeling a lot of things, mostly being sad and alone and not having a family. A conversation I had with my biological mom last year keeps playing in my head. Basically, I tried to extend an olive branch and it was denied. A lot of abuse went on while I was growing up. When I’ve tried to talk to mom about this, she shuts it down with a “that never happened”. The relationship feels beyond repair, even if she did still want me.

Its hard to get people to understand just how big this loss is. My grandma was more of a mother to me than a grandmother. She served a lot of roles in my life. It’s the natural course of things that your grandparents die. That’s life. So, I get why other people don’t understand and it’s not their job to understand my loss. It just hurts so badly and I just want someone to tell me it’s okay.