Disclaimer: This ad does not end in sex. I will not be in town until the end of February. Let’s get that out of the way first.
Scene: We meet for food on a weeknight and somehow keep each other amused over a 2hrs chef’s tasting course.
You: Live in one of the boroughs, in your late 20s – early 30s, work out enough to be visibly muscular, lean politically left, not necessarily straight, excels at taking direction, emotionally crushed by the ending of Netflix’s Arcane, and enjoy speculative literature and travel. The subject line of your DM must be your recommendation for a Michelin-starred restaurant or the message will be ignored. Ideally bored, patient, and curious—having a submissive streak would be a happy bonus (no brats though.) Â
Me: Prone to overthinking, torn between visiting the Guggenheim or Whitney because there’s not enough time during this upcoming trip, terminally online when not chained to work, considered conventionally attractive, keep vampire hours, currently playing The Marias’s newest album on repeat, recently subjected myself to 100hrs of DA: Veilguard to make sure that yes, the drop in writing quality completely gutted the series, and gearing up to watch the final season of What We Do in The Shadows.
Approach: Chats are closed because I prefer longform, introductory messages. Comb through my user history for something to say. Face/body pic verification required before meeting. To ensure that two incompatible people aren’t trapped in a multicourse meal, I expect us to talk semi-consistently and get to know one another in the weeks leading up.
TL;DR I want to look at eye candy who keeps up their end of the conversation while I eat.
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