I've had a number of DM's on this topic hence making this post as I feel it may resonate with many others.

Single here, fit, solid career, stable attachment style, and also have been emotionally available for years now. I've not run into someone yet who has been emotionally available and has wanted to actually date me (that I also was interested in back), only hookup, and therefore my romantic life has never really picked up. I also moved to NY from my hometown hoping this would change, but it hasn't. Meanwhile, I've enjoyed hooking up and developing my life in other ways that bring me meaning and joy (long term friends, side hustles and so on).

I'm approaching my mid 30s, and I'm aware it only gets harder from here, as I generally find the people not paired up are emotionally unavailable, recovering from a past relationship, have some underlying reason making them undateable (that would clash with my values) and/or withdrawn from dating entirely.

I've noticed people are pretty busy / have packed schedules here, looking for the next best thing (even within a party), and so on, so however much you optimise your looks, personality, network etc, it seems like there is a glass ceiling in terms of self-improvement because you can basically go to a party or something every week (assuming you are decent looking) and get laid, and rinse and repeat indefinitely. People constantly complain dating is a mess here, and I see why, but you can't also control someone else's interest in you / lack of interest in you.

I can certainly enjoy being single here and go to parties, pull someone, get laid, rinse and repeat. But I'm a little worried that this will be it, and later on in life when maybe there is a guy interested in me, my lack of LTR history will count against me, even though I really just haven't been given a shot. This also makes me wonder if I am actually setting myself up to 'fail' long term by living here.

I know there will be a bunch of comments around 'I met my man through a hookup' or 'it will happen when you least expect it' or similar, and I'm happy for you, but for some of us that just doesn't happen, so in the case it doesn't happen, I'm really wondering what you do here.