I’ve now hit 12 years as an Equinox member with an average of 5 days per week at the Greenwich Ave location and I’d like to take a moment to be a bitch and share some etiquette tips.

• Three Sets of Weights, Hunty? Look, unless it’s three hours before Horse Meat Disco and you’re bulking up, no one needs to hog three sets of weights at the peak of gym rush hour. Share the love (and the dumbbells).

• Close the Locker! If you leave your locker or the shower door open when you’re done, we all have to bob and weave around it like we’re in some weird dodgeball class. Close when done. 

• Dirty Gym Clothes Stash Alert! The floor under your locker is not a laundry drop-off. If you absolutely must abandon your gym clothes, do us all a favor and stash them under the bench, not scattered like many of my lost clothing items in the HMD darkroom.

• Real Estate, Darling. NYC rent is high, but gym space is higher. Don’t sprawl across the entire bench with your bag, clothes, shoes, wet towels, etc. We all need to share this space when it’s busy! Also, 8:30am in the locker room is not the place to look through IG stories or be on Grindr. It’s creepy to hang out in your towel. 

• Steam Room Timing Tips. Spoiler: The busier the gym, the less fabulous the steam room. Get in, steam it up, and get out. And if you’re looking for a… more memorable experience, let’s just say off-peak hours are your best bet.

• Towel Drama. If you treat towels like glitter at a pride parade, it’s a mess for everyone. Toss your towel in the bin when you’re done, and maybe do a mitzvah by grabbing that stray towel next to yours, too. Let’s not treat the cleaning crew like they are our personal housekeepers.

Okay I feel better. Thx.