Last night went out for Halloween with friends and I had a good time but I couldn’t stop looking around and feeling jealous of all the guys pairing up and making out with each other. No one ever approaches me in clubs and yet I look at my white twink friend and all the guys I thought were cute are going up to him and he’s making out with them. And I just think to myself what’s wrong with me? Why is it never me. Literally never me. I message guys and reach out to them on apps because no one messages me and same thing, all I ever get told is “sorry not my type”, “cute/handsome/etc. but not my type”. Like what’s wrong with me? And no one ever approaches me in gay clubs or bars. Am I not good enough? Am I not attractive enough? Am I not muscular enough? Too short? Not thin enough? Why am I not good enough? It must be something. Why him and not me? And when I talk about feels of inadequacy with friends or previous therapists, it feels like I’m being gaslight. Told that I’m an attractive guy with good qualities, but is that true? Of course you’d tell me that, you’re my friend you’re supposed to say good things about friends. But if those things were true, guys would like me but no one likes me. Do I actually have value, do I have worth, do I really matter as a person?Because I feel like I don’t have these things since no one sees it in me. It feels like I’m in a losing battle constantly convincing myself that I have worth and my life matters, yet no one else appreciates it. Just feel like this intense jealousy comparing myself to him or seeing other white guys in the gay community and how desirable and easy it is for them. Why can't that be me? And please do not say "well life isn't fair" I'm so tired of hearing it and it's really not helpful and dismissive.

I’ve never been in a relationship before and I’m 23 And I hate being asked how’s my dating life going because it’s non existent. I’ve been here for 3 months and not a single date. Like sure I’m working on myself but its not like anyone’s interested and no one has ever pursued me or been that into me. I have lots of friends and other aspects of my life I’m satisfied with but this, it’s like the one things I can’t have good for me. Is this just it for my life? I’m going to be the undesirable gay that will never get in a relationship that no one likes? It’s not even just about love I know clubs aren’t good to find love I want attention, I want to be desired. I just want one person to tell me or show I’m good enough for once is that too much?