I’m a 32-year-old Black man on the thicker side, looking to explore with other DL (down low) guys. I often find myself gravitating towards muscular guys, and from my experience, it seems like DL men aren’t as critical about bodies as non-DL guys can be. However, I’m finding it tricky to meet someone who hasn’t been with a whole bunch of people in a short time. It’s a bit of a turn-off for me, which is why I’m not really feeling dating apps—they tend to attract folks who are just looking for casual fun.

One of the last fellas I met worked out pretty well. We met at a friend’s lime and swapped Instagrams. I’m thinking I need to put myself out there more and pay attention to the vibes. The problem is, sometimes I can’t tell if someone is DL or just a chill guy.

For those who’ve found a discreet, long-term connection, how did you make it happen? Any tips on where or how to find someone in social settings? And how do you pick up on those cues without making it too obvious?