I’m Black and identify as queer, leaning towards bisexuality. Living in New York, I often feel overlooked unless I fit a specific aesthetic. A photo of influencers I follow, which I’ve attached, sparked this question.

When I first moved to New York and attended the club “Industry” on weekends, I felt ignored. One evening at “Industry”, a Black drag queen told me, “If you’re not fit, no one is checking for you,” and this has been a significant struggle for me.

Ironically, on the heterosexual side, women find me attractive even with a bit of extra weight. However, when I reveal that I sleep with men (even though I’m monogamous), they aren’t accepting. On the queer side, men appreciate that I’ve been with women (possibly internal homophobia) , but they struggle with my extra pounds. I’m not morbidly obese—just slightly heavier.

I feel stuck in limbo and uncomfortable. I’m curious if anyone else has faced similar challenges—being caught between worlds and struggling with acceptance based on appearance. I’m focusing on fitness to see if it might change how both women and men perceive me. Any advice or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated.