So I (23M) was diagnosed a month ago with anal HSV-2 and got on suppression therapy. This is not my first post about it here, posted as soon as I found out and was glad to see all the supportive and encouraging responses I had. Thank you all a lot, truly.

Since then, I oscillate between periods of intense sadness and grief, and content and nonchalance. A big part of my mood is informed by the posts I read on Reddit, namely other subs like askgaybros and HerpesPositive, etc. I am back in therapy thankfully, it’s costing me a lot but the $160 is well worth my mental health, hopefully.

I have gotten a bag of mixed advice about disclosure - from it’s not necessary if you’re taking precautions to I will rot in hell if I don’t. I agree that it’s a personal choice, and so far I have been disclosing to everyone and will probably continue to, I had it in my Grindr bio before I deleted the whole profile lol. The responses I got are: “ok I just won’t touch your ass to be safe”, “I need to do some more research ghosts”, “ok cool, thanks for telling me”. Of course, disclosure in an LTR would be nonnegotiable for me. I also got on PositiveSingles (horrible even in NYC) but the idea of shepherding people with STIs to a separate dating market does not sit well with me.

I have gotten to a point where HSV has become a bit of an obsession of mine. I spend a lot of time panic scrolling on Reddit and reading through disclosure anecdotes, cure and vaccine timelines, etc… I had great plans for the summer, was working on my body and style and enjoying being a city gay but it feels like time stopped in its tracks since I found out. I also don’t have as much capacity for hanging out with other people or being in queer spaces - I’m thinking about it even when I’m not.

What I have found though is that generally people on this subreddit are more accepting that herpes is just a thing that happens than most other reddit communities who seem to catastrophize it.

Is Herpes the sex death that it seems to be? How do I move forward from this? What are the common, real life disclosure practices?