i was at costco and a couple likely in their early 50s had walked by. there was a short asian woman, shorter than me so had to have been about 5ft, and next to her was her white husband who was about a whole foot and a half taller than her. and i asked if they were a couple, the husband looked confused and said yes. the wife surprised also, smiles and nods. i said “you two are a really cute couple.” the wife smiles wider and thanks me, the husband looks bewildered but happy.

i smile, though they don’t see it. and all i can think about is how badly i want that. i genuinely want someone to grow old with. that won’t leave the second i turn 30 or the moment my crows feet begin to embed themselves into my smile. i looked at them and they seemed content. they really were a cute couple, holding hands, and her looking up at him and him looking down at her.

i want that. i really want that. someone to come home to that i can look up at and smile for. a man who thinks even when i’m 54 or 67 or 75 that i’m still silly and small. i want a man to love me the way i want to love him. make him really happy and have the joy of making him happy for the rest of his life. i want a man to completely mean the words “you’re mine.” i want to belong so badly to someone who will hold my hand smiling, walk me around costco getting free samples, and be happy to always say that i am his.