I've been enjoying the posts here for a while but I just realized that my mom is/was a pick-me-girl and it deeply affected the way myself and my 5 younger sisters view others and ourselves.

From being laughed at and ridiculed if we wanted to do anything she considered "girly", like wear a dress, be a princess for Halloween, wear makeup, (even to a job interview or a dance), change our hairstyles (I was given forcible pixie cuts or bobs ever since I was 3 until my teenage years), get our ears pierced (??? as adults), dye our hair, do our nails, go on a date with a guy who wasn't matching her definition of attractive, (ew), and so so much more.. I came to the realization that all of us seemed to grow up loathing the fact that we were girls. We have brothers too and they were treated very differently by her.

There's a whole lot of stuff to unpack here I could go on for pages, but I just was wondering if there's anyone else whose mother is/was a pick-me-girl and if you have any advice for healing, continuing and navigating the relationship, responding in a healthy way to pick-me behavior from your own mother??

My sisters are still young, three of them live at home still, the youngest is 16. It hurts me to see how their mental health has been impacted.

I have two daughters myself now, they are toddlers still, my #1 goal is to always let them know they are loved for who they are, whoever that turns out to be, and never put them down or foster an environment where they put anyone else down. I was terrified when they were born because all I ever knew was this toxic environment where my mother was competing with me and I didn't think I would know how to raise them- but damn it's easy to love them unconditionally, and I couldn't be happier or more honoured to have these tiny girls in my life. I'm very cautious of their grandmother's interactions with them because of the way she views other girls/women even her own daughters.