CALL LOGS

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The pop of a champagne cork barely cuts through the dull roar of the bar. Fizz tickles my lips as I savor my first celebratory sip.

A company called the Brighter Futures Suicide Hotline had a sudden opening for a counselor position. I'd be working at their community clinic in Melbourne, Florida; not far from my home in Cocoa.

Their counselor Daisy Belin was terminated immediately for undisclosed reasons. Though I thought I heard the words 'identity theft' drift through the hallways here and there as I was leaving my interview.

My interviewer William was a strange one. The man seemed sad; haunted. A potted plant sat in the corner of his office. He'd often stare at it while asking me questions.

Daisy's name plate sat on his desk. During our conversation, he must have touched it absentmindedly at least five times.

I'd made a good impression. He was pleased with the fact I was early for the meeting.

“I'm a stickler for punctuality. I'm always the first to remind everyone to set their clocks back.” He'd mentioned.

With the champagne setting in, my head began to swim with anxiety. It's always so nerve racking when I start a new job.

Sleep comes easy. Morning light finds me ready for my first day. The handbook's been studied. I know what to expect somewhat based on the research I'd done days before.

The ride to work is longer than anticipated. There's no time for a pep talk to encourage myself. I just take a deep breath, exit the car and walk into the building.

Chaos slaps me in the face like a gust of hellfire. The carol of phones ringing is unending. Chatter from countless people waiting in the lobby to be seen for the various services provided by the BFCC is incessant.

Patients are bleeding openly and vomiting on the floor. The smell of copper, stomach acid and sawdust turns my stomach enough to threaten my gag reflex.

That’s the last thing I needed on my first day. Making my way past the chaos, my office wasn't far off.

Waiting patiently by the office door was the rather plain, almost forgetful looking Nurse Rachel. It wasn’t until I saw her that a spark of memory formed, we had when William interviewed me. Rachel had this quality about her that was almost as though she didn't exist. We greeted each other as she joined me in my office.

Almost immediately Rachel places the files for the upcoming day upon the desk, spins and asks if I want a drink of water.

“Goddamit Rachel” booms a man's voice from around the doorway.

“That's enough with the water bullshit.” he finishes as he enters my new office.

“Dr. Ralph! I'm only trying to make Counselor Camp here feel welcomed.” Rachel shoots back sweetly.

“I know what you're doing dear, and we spoke about it before. Now go on and start the rounds.” Dr. Ralph asserted calmly. So smooth was his command that if heard it triggered almost reflex to obey.

“I’ll be right behind you shortly” he spoke while turning his full gaze directly in my eyes “Miss Camp and i will be catching up on the itinerary for the day.”

With Rachel on her way, the door slowly shuts behind her and Ralph and I are now alone. Silence and tension lingers for what felt like minutes to my anxiety filled mind, was probably only a few seconds as Dr. Ralph sat on the corner of my desk just staring at me.

“So… I’m not sure what you have heard about Daisy already, but it doesn't matter. Just know that we don't gossip here at the clinic.” Ralph stated calmly still maintaining direct eye contact. “I would appreciate it if you had any questions about it, that we discuss them now before we move on.”

There! There it was!...He finally blinked.

With a small intake of air the words just left my lips. “I don’t really think that any of that is any of my business except for how i can fill in best as her replacement.” Of course there had been questions but I wasn't about to seem unprofessional on my first day by gossiping.

“Good!” Ralph hopped off the corner of my desk; breaking eye contact.

“Now lets go over how the next few days are going to be like and get to know some of the patient files we will be seeing very shortly.”

Several days pass by full of chaotic energy as the transition to the new job was panning out. First day was shadowing around Dr. Ralph, while the second day consisted of viewing my upcoming patient files and the third day William accompanied me to the call center upstairs.

This is where we met with Josh and Alex. They explained the whole operation of the call center to me. As the counselor, I would be required to assist with difficult calls or if any of the other employees needed help as well.

Finally on the fifth day i began to see patients.

Nothing too bizarre to deal with. The first patient had depression and just needed a little cognitive therapy to help alongside her meds. As the day went on patients came and went until it was time to join the call center upstairs. Today Alex would be showing me the ropes of the call center and how to best assist callers.

She greets me and shows me to an unused desk and terminal to the left of her own. With a crash course under my belt, the calls began coming in. Two hours had passed before I hear her voice ring out over the others.

"Thank you for calling the Brighter Futures community clinic; this is Alex. How may I direct your call?"

I wasn't privy to the other end of the conversation, but I was about to be.

"A counselor? Yes sir. One moment please."

An orange light blinked on the phone. I pressed it lightly, took a breath and picked up.

Me: Thank you for calling the community clinic. My name is Ms. Camp. I'm the counselor here. How may I..

Caller: Look, I came in. I signed up for the trial as suggested and promised to call if there were any changes. Well… there's been changes.

Me: Okay. Are you referring to the Tetheret anxiety medication sir? What is your name?

See? I've done my research. Tetheret is the brainchild of Auset Pharmaceuticals; who just happened to merge with Brighter Futures after the Salem branch closed permanently.

Caller: Yeah. That one. My name’s Griffyn Lowell

Me: Tell me what's going on. Are you experiencing vision blurring or vomiting? Are you left with a metallic taste in your mouth after quenching your thirst?

Caller: Jesus lady. No. Nothing like that. I called for a counselor, not Doc Ralph. In fact, the less he knows of this, the better. Just tell him I'm out.

Me: Do you need a refill on your medication?

Caller: No lady… You're not hearin me. I mean, I'm done. I don't want nothin more to do with any of it. I took the meds, conquered my fears and testified against my father in court. Well..guess what Camp? Now he's gonna kill me.

Me: I’m sorry Griffyn, I’m trying. Even if I’m not doing the best at first, I’m here for you.

Ralph had walker over at this point; a puzzled look etched onto his normally stoic face. I cupped my hand over my mouthpiece as I gestured for him to stay close; writing Griffyn Lowell on a scratch piece of paper. The doctor’s eyes widened in recognition.

He shuffled over to an area outside of my office; returning moments later with a folder in hand. The look he gave me was falsely sympathetic as he lets it plop to my desk just inches before reaching my hands. His rough hands claps my shoulder, an inappropriate but innocently intended gesture of support, before leaving the office.

The file in front of me shows Griffyn to be a single man in his late 40’s. A close family member was a veteran employee at one of the Brighter Futures Suicide Hotlines. So it wasn’t surprising that he was one of the first of the public populace to have access to the new medication.

He’d been released from a mental health center recently, where he stayed since childhood. I always wondered how the hell someone could do something like that. Keep a kid locked in a psych ward for his whole life, then release him to the World. All he knows left behind him, locked in chains while the endless choices of the free world suffocate him more by the day.

One thing about what he’d told me was true. He did testify in court against his father. Only it was over nineteen years ago; the 13th of May. His dad and any affiliates of his were either dead or incarcerated. It didn’t make sense.

Griffyn’s voice cuts through the line once more.

Griffyn: Hello?! You there? You just said you’d be there for me then go quiet for two minutes? The fuck?!?

Muffled retching and sputtering come from his end of the line.

Grffyn: Where even am I right now? It’s Tuesday right?

It was Thursday. Something didn’t feel right about correcting him though.

Me: I… I’m so sorry. Your voice sounds familiar. I got lost in my head trying to place it.

It’s a lie. But it’s better than the truth. Yeah sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.

Griffyn: Anyway, will ya tell Ralph what I said? None of the other stuff, just what I said okay? My Dad will have me dead one way or the other. I’m not gonna let someone else control the way that I go. The bloodshed ends with me.

A deafening bang rings my temples; echoing through the recesses of my spine into my brain.

\line disconnects**

Another round of calls blow through the lines. Josh picks up the first.

“Thank you for calling Brighter Futures Community Clinic. How are you today?”

Josh’s face contorts with disgust. He waves his arms to Ralph to come listen in on the line.

“Ma’am? Have you called an ambulance? Are you alone right now? Tell me about the seizures, how many have you had?”

Another round of silence, followed by grim faces.

“Alright. They should be there soon. How long have you been experiencing symptoms?”

Something the woman said made them perk up.

“Fine? Did you just say you feel fine? You called in with reports of nausea, skin sores, have slight traces of fresh blood leaking from your ear canals, along with the seizures; correct?”

A look I saw only moments ago reappeared on Ralph’s features; recognition.

Whatever was going on here had clearly happened before. Either they thought they’d sussed it or it was just starting to expand.

Ralph left Josh to his phone call and returned to his office; shutting the door too hard to not have been an act of emotion. An array of tones and pitches can be heard from behind the door. He was speaking to someone passionately. My office was close by, so it wasn’t hard to linger on the way in.

What I’m able to surmise is that he's not talking to anyone, but privately ranting to himself.

“Damnit. Another one. God in his glory, why is this happening now? I designed and vouched for that medication myself. How could this have happened? What if they all turn out that way? This was never intended to harm them. I don’t want to hurt them, I want to help them. This was supposed to help. What in Heaven will we do now? The investigation… I’m ruined.”

Muffled sobs overtook his words. It almost sounded like he was praying? But kind of to himself? It’s hard to explain.

Josh calls out; interrupting my eavesdropping. He is trying to keep his voice level and calm, but failing.

“We got seventeen so far, with more comin in every minute! Ralph what the hell did you do?”

Alex and Josh step into the hallway. Each checks their bodies with shaking hands; verbally listing symptoms to make sure the other didn’t wasn’t experiencing them.

Alex: I don’t feel any different. As far as my day to day I feel fine.

Josh: That’s the thing, they all say they feel fine. People are puking, convulsing and bleeding out of every hole in their face walking around like nothing’s wrong. Seventeen instances in one shift? And those are just the ones who call to check in for the wellness compensation. It’s like something out of a goddamned zombie movie.

Nurse Rachel peeks in the doorway to inform me a patient needs to see a counselor about side effects of her medication. Rachel passed a folder with the name Summer Breeze on the tab. Sneaking a peek through the patient file, I see she is on Tetheret.

Closing the file, I reach for the door handle to the room Summer is waiting in. Summer snaps to attention as I enter the room. She holds a tissue to her nose that’s swiftly becoming heavy with blood. Nurse Rachel is directly behind me when I enter the room; a cup of water ever ready in her left hand.

Summer never removes her gaze from mine as the nurse hands her a fresh tissue. She just sits staring at me while the first rounds of questions begin.

Me: What brings you in today, Summer?

Summer: I think i may have a reaction to the new Tetheret. There's this rash under my arm that burns and I find myself dazing out alot.”

Still staring directly at me but almost through me she continued explaining multiple symptoms.

Me: Alright Summer, let’s go ahead and get the Dr. here to look over some of the concerns you have, but while we wait on him why don't you tell me about the loss of attention. You say there has been dazing spells?

Summer: Yes, seem to just stare off and then snap to a moment later. It's so strange because sometimes it happens and I can't snap out of it even when I know it's happening. I swear it almost feels like something is trying to take over my thoughts but not in a hostile way.

I interrupt her and ask Rachel to go ahead and grab Dr. Ralph immediately. I had noticed a little blood forming on the edge of her ear. All the while Summer still continues to stare directly at me with the gaze but know there's an awful grin on her face.

As Rachel leaves the room she tries to never turn her back on Summer. Watching her as she backed out the door to fetch the Dr..

Me: Are you feeling alright now Summer? You seem to be a little off to me at the moment Summer. Why don’t you tell me how you're doing right now. Are you hearing me ok?

Summer: Oh my...I'm feeling swell Ms. Camp.

Her eyes still locked on mine and grinning from ear to now, I notice the blood running freely from her ears and now her nose as well. Still grinning away as the blood rolls down her almost angelic face. The curled locks hanging around her eyes and ears are becoming matted with fresh blood.

Me: Summer you need to lay down now. You are bleeding from you ears and nose.

Summer: I feel fine maam. There's no way im bleeding… I would know if I was bleeding…

She trails off still locked in a murderous blood soaked face, grinning straight at my eyes. As I place my hand on Summer to help guide her to lay down, she drops to the floor and begins convulsing. Her back arches and pops with strain as an arm shoots abnormally fast to the side sending her body rolling on the floor towards my legs. As her twisting body thrashes on top of my prone body, i struggle to reach for the call button or even the door knob the scream for help. I Began to scream for help anyway hoping someone passing by would hear.

Trying as much as I could to help restrain Summer, it was ultimately to no avail. Finally wiggling myself around to get out from under her now arched form, I rose to my feet. Just in time for Summers body to drop straight on the back of my knee driving me down with her again. As my knee collides with the floor sending a wave of heat and explosion throughout my body dropping me into a stupor from pain.

Now sprawled on the floor with pain raging through my leg, Summer stops the seizure instantly. Standing up she walks back over and sit on the corner of the table and just stares straight down at me. Still grinning but now blood had splattered over mouth and face. Her eyes now shown a silver almost emitting its own light. She began to speak.

The sound that came from her throat was not words but sounded like alarm bells. Like church bells almost just with more alarming manner. Ringing bounced off the walls slamming into my ears staggering my senses. Summer stops and continues back on with her sentence.

Summer: I would know if I was bleeding frommmm...Oh my God What is happening? Why. Why are you on the ground? Where did all this blood come from?

She stares down at her hands and back at me finally breaking that stare and grin. The moment she realizes it's her blood she looks back at me in a panic and crumbles back to the ground in another seizure.

Dr. Ralph bursts through the door in time to catch the site of Summer’s head make contact on the hard ground. Right in front of my still prone form on the ground. I wince as the blood spatter from her new skull fracture splayed across my face.

I faint from the pain in my knee and the sheer horror of having the blood of a patient spray across my face as they die.

I wake up on a gurney in chair in the hallway to a woman leading a medical team through the doors carrying a stretcher. An empty body bag lay on top; coldly inviting its next occupant. She walks up to me confidently, but in a way that makes her still seem approachable. Her hand extended in my direction as she spoke her name. As our eyes meet I can see that she's been crying. She also regards me colder than the others.

“Brie Schumer; I’m here to collect the patient please.”

They bagged up Summer’s body and rolled her away; Ralph following closely behind. My eyes followed them through the window into the parking lot. It should have surprised me to see them get into not an ambulance or hearse; but a van. Doc Ralph got into the back of the van, took one long look at the building and closed the doors.

In the brief pause I was able to see a glimpse inside. Summer's stretcher was surrounded by sealed palettes of red mulch and topsoil.

Summer’s body wasn’t the only thing they took. Dr. Ralph Emerall’s office was completely cleaned out and wiped down when I went in there later on that day. The large plant in the corner included.

How he managed to move all of his things without notice was beyond me. Maybe he was moving it little by little each day, right under our noses.

Investigators questioned each of us little by little about Ralph Emerall. It turns out, he’s been under investigation for some time and was now wanted on several charges; the worst being murder.

I haven’t been sleeping well. My anxiety has been completely unmanageable. Everytime I close my eyes I see those people; that intense gaze of Summer’s eye contact moments before she died.

That’s not all. I am ashamed to say that I feel like my own mind is slipping like those of my patients. The other day at work, just before the front elevator closed, Summer Breeze walked into the front lobby, smiling.

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