I used to work in the outbound call-centre for a second tier insurance firm. We mainly peddled phone and travel insurance products and yes, I was that annoying guy that called you at dinner time, asking how your day was before launching into a scripted sales pitch.

At first I hated the job and didn’t think I’d last. Telemarketers annoyed the shit out of me and I had a hard time accepting that my actions were making the world a better place. For the first two weeks I went home exhausted and stressed, on the verge of quitting.

Eventually I got over my concerns of being annoying and invasive, if people got angry it was water off a ducks back. One day at the pub my old trainer and good friend Andrew put it to me best. His theory was that we all went through “cognitive dissonance”. In short, when human’s actions didn’t align with their beliefs, they would experience great stress until one or the other changed to once again achieve balance. For most people that need to hold down a job, it was simply easier to change their beliefs than their actions. That’s how I managed to convince myself that I was providing my customers with a valuable service, that I wasn’t a drain on society.

Working in a call center is an easy job; you sit around in an air-conditioned office, get to browse the net between calls and with so many young people around the social life is fantastic. One thing you’ll notice however, is that everyone comes into the job with a fire in their belly, fresh out of school they’re going on to do greater things; this job’s merely a pit stop.

But life has a tendency of getting away from you, one day turns into the next and before you know it you’re merely going through the motions. I was no different and after being there for over a year I’d guess you could say I was in a rut.

Until the day I phoned Mr Harrison.

I’d been flirting with a girl from admin called Leanne. She was tall and athletic girl from South Africa, she loved netball and dancing. We usually flirted by email but one day she sauntered over to my desk before my shift was about to start.

“Morning Trouble, here’s your call list for today. Don’t say anything you shouldn’t…”

“Hello Miss Ratbag, isn’t this last month’s list? There was no need to come all the way over here; you could have just emailed me the new list.” Obviously I was pleased as punch she did come over, but I wasn’t about to let her know.

“That’s true, but email is so dispassionate. Sometimes I just prefer to give a personal touch to my work.”

As she placed the call register on my desk, her hand brushed against mine and she smiled. My heart was racing but I tried to play it cool and gave her one of my cheesier lines.

“I’m glad you did, your lips were made for sin.”

She laughed and turned to go before stopping to ask.

“Heading to the pub this Friday?”

I actually had an all-nighter LAN party with the boys planned but was not going to pass on this opportunity.

“I had plans, but I think I could be persuaded to change my mind.”

The rest of the day was uneventful until I called a customer that would irrevocably change the course of my life; Mr James Harrison.

“Hello Mr Harrison?”

“Yes, who is this?”

“Hi sir, this is Robert from Providence-Insure, how are you today?”

“I’m very well, thank you for taking an interest.” His voice was calm and reasonable, no one responded this openly and I felt a sale coming on.

I went through the standard sales script and when it was his turn to speak he surprised me.

“That all sounds very good Robert, what is your name?”

“Umm that is my name sir; Robert.” I was confused.

“Yes obviously Robert, but what is your surname?”

“Sir? I’m sorry but we’re not obligated to give our surname, I can give you my employee number though.”

“I don’t understand Robert, you know my full name, my number and want me to trust you, but you won’t trust me with your surname?”

I guess he had a good point, I was afraid of losing the sale so I saw no harm in telling him.

“Thank you for your trust Robert Bunting, now before we continue, I believe I was recently added to the do-not-call register. Did you not check?”

Shit, I had last month’s list and the company could be in trouble for this. I panicked and decided to lie.

“Oh, I’m very sorry sir – let me check with my supervisor.” I put the phone on hold and proceeded to check my facebook for 2 minutes.

“Hello Mr Harrison? Thanks for holding; yes my supervisor confirmed the Office of Fair Trading accidentally sent us the wrong list. I’m sorry for the trouble, are you still interested in our products?”

“Robert, it’s my turn to ask the questions and I want you to answer with complete honesty, ok?”

His tone was still calm and reasonable but I didn’t like the turn this conversation was taking, I considered hanging up but realised I’d given my full name.

“Umm, sure I guess.”

“Do you feel you make the world a better place Robert?”

“Sir?”

“I said, do you feel in your job that you make the world a better place?”

“I’m not following sir.”

“Robert, does your company have a procedure for you, some sort of script to follow?”

“Yes sir, we all receive the same training.”

“So, when you took an interest in me and asked how my day was, were you being disingenuous?”

“Uhh, well….” This was the strangest call I’d ever had and didn’t know how to answer.

“Uhh well is not an answer Robert. I asked you to be truthful.” His calm composure and line of questioning was beginning to unnerve me, but he didn’t give me time to react and continued his line of questioning.

“I’m on the do-not-call register; do you take responsibility for violating my privacy?”

“Look James, I’m sorry, I told you it wasn’t my fault, I was given the wrong list.”

“James? Before it was “Mr Harrison”, now you’re comfortable being personal with me? Robert, when you pretended to take an interest in me, you were being false. When you called me – despite being on the register – you invaded my privacy. And finally you have made it personal.”

I was getting fed up and decided to try end the call “I’m sorry to have disturbed you sir, please have a nice evening”.

“Robert Bunting, before you go I want you to know that I’m now taking an interest in you. Where your interest was false, mine shall be true. Where you ushered deceit, I shall herald truthfulness. Where you invaded my privacy with detached disinterest, I will occupy your solitude with great vigour.”

I hung up the phone shaking. I rose and told my supervisor that I’d had a bad call and needed to take my break early before heading outside to clear my head.

I was rattled and told the boys about my strange call at the pub that night. We often shared war-stories and they helped me shake it off, reassuring me he was just another pissed-off loon that got angry and would not follow through with his strange threats. Everything would be back to normal tomorrow.

The next day I began to learn that Mr Harrison is indeed a man of his word. That following through for him was not a choice but a code. His way of life.

As I was leaving some of my work-colleagues were giving me dirty looks and snickering. Frank confused me with;

“Nice dick pics you loser, might wanna change your facebook password haha!”

I frantically tried to check on my phone but my service was disconnected. I rushed home to jump online and see what was happening but the net was out as well. I borrowed my housemates phone to call my phone and net companies but got the same answer from both.

“I’m sorry sir, this account has recently been password protected by the owner. If that is you, and you don’t know the password, you will need to fax your request with the appropriate identification.”

My phone had an outbound restriction and I spent the whole day trying to deal with it. The phone rang and I was praying it was my carrier advising that my restrictions were lifted but it was my enigmatic customer from yesterday; Mr Harrison.

“Hello Robert, how are you today?”

“Jesus, I know you’re behind all this you psycho, you won’t get away with it.”

“Robert I must insist you show me some respect, if we’re to continue our relationship I will have it no other way.” He was the counterpoint to my anger, calm and detached.

“Just leave me alone, I didn’t do anything to you!” I was at the end of my tether and tried not to let my voice crack.

“Robert, I had hoped you would be a faster learner than this. You violated my privacy and are still not taking responsibility for your actions. I ask you again, whose fault was it that you called me, and don’t tell me it was the Office of Fair Trading.”

“Look it wasn’t malicious it was a simple mistake I swear! My friend Leanne gave me the list but it was the wrong one, it wasn’t anyone’s fault!”

“Leanne Venter?”

“What? How did you..?”

“Robert, you need to learn, there is always a party at fault, just as there are always repercussions.”

With that he hung up the phone.

I took the rest of that week off sick, I couldn’t face the ridicule of my workmates after having seen my dick picks that were posted on facebook. And obviously I was too embarrassed to see Leanne, so instead I just went to my LAN party with my friends.

The next day I was woken by loud banging on the door, it was the police. There was an incident involving one of my workmates and they wanted to ask me some questions. They wouldn’t tell me what happened but I eventually found out from my old trainer Andrew.

Leanne was abducted and taken to an abandoned house not far from the office. An anonymous call to the police was placed and they found her in the blood soaked tub, alive but unconscious. She was drugged and mutilated. Someone had hacked both her hands off, leaving only bloody stumps.

Beautiful and bright Leanne, not only would she never distribute the wrong call register again, she’d also never dance or play netball. All because I did not take responsibility for my actions.

Needless to say I quit my job and moved cities after that. I eventually found a new job and experienced the same difficulties with cognitive dissonance adapting to my new role.

At first I could not understand how my actions made the world a better place but my new trainer helped me through the learning curve. He’s much stricter than Andrew was. Harsh but fair, a man of principle.

I know you will all have a lot of questions and will likely want to put them in the comment section below. But I must insist, it’s my turn to ask the questions now and I want you to answer with complete honesty, ok?

Dear reader, what is your name and do you feel you make the world a better place?