I feel non-monogamous as a condition. I was born this way. I want you all to know that I feel collective compersion for you, as in my far away metamours. Love and sex are wonderful pleasures. But this is not the focus of my post.

I've been actively ENM for quite some time. I have wonderful memories, great friends, some scars, and few regrets. And even so, I've learned and grown, so no regrets overall.

My main concern is Time. I'm growing older. Time seems more scarce and valuable. I've wasted time on Poly websites, dating apps, and more... I've settled for quick hookups or creepy stuff to learn that it's not worth the time or the risk. I already have an amazing anchor partner, who deserves my time and attention.

I'm considering "retiring" from ENM at least for a while. I cannot find quality relationships IRL because it feels too taboo to risk asking an acquaintance or friend if they are ENM. In my circles, at least. However, the online world is literally a gamble. I'm fueled by a desire to love, with spice and kink too of course. And I'm swiping as an addict, chasing fantasies. Also, my career is at a stage that I cannot be exposing my identity as freely like in the past.

I want to "quit" but I still feel non-monogamous. I wish we had an optimal system to know each other and find better matches. Even so, it's tough to manage multi-relationships in the long run. I should be spending my time in more important projects. I cannot pursue shallow connections.