I want to write out my story in this post. This should be appreciated by this sub, as it shows some real life. Also you are very welcome to comment and give me feedback, tips. I am the male part of a married couple. My wife and me are in long term relationship. We met when she was 18 and I was 19. Now she is 46. Through all this time we had a healthy sex life for the biggest part. After the birth of our second child, I had a year where I was not interested in sex. This was already 11 years ago and is in the past. Arguably our sex life is currently at a high point. In the last two years we discovered how well Tantric message works for her. She is so reactive there, that is great fun to give her a message and she enjoys it. Also she cultivated the fact, that she can squirt. It is not only good for me to accompany her there, but also a way to have earth shattering orgasms. I discovered that anal play is interesting for me and she is very gently helping me along. Before I had to initiate sex a lot and be more active. This also has changed lately. She now starts it lot more and I learned to be passive to just receive it.

When we met, I was going out a lot and big part of it was meeting new people, flirting with girls. The strangest part maybe was, what I did this for other guys. I had them pick out a girl and tried to talk to her and introduce her to him. This way I also met a lot of girls and making out happened quite frequently. Sometimes it came closer to sex, but it never was half as good as the sex I had with my wife, already at this time. In one of these encounters, I was arguably misused. Really drunken I went home with a woman, quite a bit older than me. I did not want to be there and yet I had sex with her. This bad experience was basically the last one I had. I was going out less and also was less interested in meeting girls. At the same time my wife was still doing things, outside of our relationship. For her it was less about meeting new people, but experiencing intimacy with other people. So her contacts where lovers for some time. In fact there is one person, who she still meets with longer brakes, just to fuck. In fact when they are together for longer, they do not know what to do with each other, which is funny to me.

In the last time, I tried to be more active with my extra martial sex life, with the support of my wife. She now would have less problems with me having sex with other women, as she much more sure of stability of our relationship. Yet the problem is for me to find something suitable. After 20 years of sex with just a single person, it is hard for me to put myself out there. Having sex at a swinger party would mean, that I would publicly try to have sex with someone other than my wife. This makes me nervous only thinking about it, so it not really an option. A lot of men here discuss there problems with meeting women willing to go the ENM route. It is similar for me. After writing to ~100 of women, three were up for an in person meeting. It did not work out with any of them. My standards might be too high, but I am not willing to settle for a bad option. My wife is still very attractive and I think my body is in good shape. I even would be interested in same bisexual play between men. My idea is that it would be with my wife and a third guy. She does not try to find people though, for her it was always about being discovered and conquered. This does not fit for this kind of arrangement. I am a bit stuck and would appreciate any new ideas.