tldr: Husband and I split up but we’re still living together for now; I’ve started dating in the ENM community and want to be conscientious about my role.

My stbx (42m) and I (36f) decided to end it as a couple about 3 months ago. It was a long time coming; we’d been together 15 years and almost divorced a few years ago. I mention this because I feel very secure and resolved about our split; there are no leftover feelings or “what ifs” for me. We’ve spent years in couples and individual counseling, and are now moving on to coparenting counseling. Stbx is a little more up and down about the split, but I’ve been very clear with him about where I stand. When it comes to dating, stbx was initially excited about entering the online dating world but it hasn’t been what he expected and while I’ve been on a number of dates, he’s gone on none. A common story, I’m learning.

So, dating! I really didn’t imagine myself dating so soon, but I recently reconnected with friends who have an open marriage and got to meet many of the people they’d connected with at a party. I’ve felt pretty isolated the last few years what with the pandemic and my marriage struggles, and meeting so many lovely people at that party got me thinking it could be a good way to expand my own community.

Over the past month or so I’ve dived into it feet first and met several people in person, three of whom I’ve felt a pretty strong connection with and seen multiple times already. Each of them lives with a primary partner and two have already mentioned introducing us later on when the time is right. I can’t overstate how much I’ve enjoyed getting to know new people, the fun and thrill of flirting and possibilities— it’s been great. There are weird moments as I recognize the end of my marriage and this transition (I am currently in individual counseling to stay on top of this), but it feels like the right thing for me.

I’m very new to the ENM lifestyle and community, but I could see it being a good fit for me in the long term as a solo poly/ secondary. I want to be really intentional about how I navigate this next phase with my upcoming divorce and inevitable rough patches there, while nurturing these exciting potential new relationships. I’d be interested in hearing from folks who’ve been through similar situations (from any perspective). Also just saying hey 👋 I’m new here!