People that had a hard time connecting to compersion for their partner, please tell me about the work you did to achieve that feeling.

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My wife and I have done a year of research, talking, connecting, fantasizing, reading, podcast listening, hardcore reddit lurking, etc... my wife is incredibly turned on by the idea of me fucking someone else. She's turned on by the idea of me giving pleasure to someone else, for me to receive pleasure from someone else, she's excited that she gave me a green light and has said that if anyone ever just randomly wanted to have sex with me, that as long as I was safe about it, that she doesn't want me to have to ask her about it first, just to tell her after. She excited that I'm into the idea of having a girlfriend and honoring this persons needs and being good to them.

The initial idea to open up came from her telling me she had a long time fantasy of me having sex with another lady (I'm not into penis owners, but I think it's cute that she also said if I ever wanted to hook up with a penis owner that she is also turned on by that). Anyhow, clearly she is into me receiving pleasure. And I would like to note that I take her pleasure very seriously and that even after almost 17 years together, our sex is incredible and we're constantly exploring and evolving.

Anyhow, this is my dilemma. I'm not feeling that compersion for her. PLEASE DON'T BEAT ME UP HERE. I'm not pushing for a one sided open relationship. I did not come here to try to get people to say it's OK for me to keep her side closed, because I do not believe in that. I think that the rules should be the same for the both of us. I'm just trying to figure out how to teach myself to reach that place of compersion for her. Pretty standard dude shit going in in my brain... I think it is incredibly sexy to think of her with other ladies, but thinking of her with other men is... challenging. I mean, it causes me to feel anger, sadness, loneliness... it is very threatening to me. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE THIS. I feel like this is just my training from general societal shit like "how a man is supposed to be" and other dumb stuff we absorb from the toxic norms of weird puritanical relationship garbage we're force fed our entire lives.

Anyhow, I want to hear your stories and what the steps were that really impacted this for you. Tell me how YOU found compersion for your partner!!! I feel like this could be one of the greatest gifts I can give to my wife if I can figure it out. And don't get me wrong, even if I can't get to her level of compersion, if I'm going to date outside of my marriage, I'm going to give her my full support to pursue whatever she wants to. It's just such a turn on for me that when I tell her about my sex fantasies with other women, she gets so turned on, and then it's this crazy feedback of being turned on by each other's pleasure. I want to be able to connect to that with her! Thanks ahead of time for sharing your journeys with me!

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TLDR: My wife has extreme compersion for my pleasure and the idea of me having sex with other people. I'm super turned off with the idea of her being with another man. Please tell me your story if you didn't feel that compersion at first, but then learned how to find that space inside of you to have compersion for your partner. Please teach me your ways!