I’m (38/M) in a funk.

My wife (36/F) came out as asexual about a month ago, which answers so much about our love life and even goes to show how far she went to keep me happy for as long as she did.

We have four kids together and I’m the traditional kind of husband and father of the house.

It had always bothered me a little bit that my sex life was close to once a year. She knew it was a strain and tried to force herself for my sake (not to my initial knowledge).

Sex is a HUGE part of my joy in life. She knows that and sat me down and explained that she always thought men like me were going out anyway and told me that she supports my getting a girlfriend (or go find professional workers) to help with my needs.

The way my mind works, I just want the woman I’m with to want me. The one I’m married to wants me happy, which means something… my perfect world it would be just me and her going at it like rabbits. It’s not my perfect world. And doing such things without her wanting it counts as sexual assault or worse in my book.

So, now I’m trying to start dating for the first time in 20 years. But I have kids. And responsibilities. And a career (which frowns upon extramarital arraignments).

The apps/sites I’m using are costing me more money and have resulted in two good conversations (one was on here) in the past month.

I feel undatable. I imagine the women who see my profiles are thinking I’m a creep or can’t satisfy a woman. (I wouldn’t know… she’s my only one so far and that was apparently all just a show for me)

I don’t want to be less than honest with potential friends/partners. I expect trust in sex. I think everyone should.

My wife has been open to the idea of a sister-wife arraignment, but has no desire to join in the action. We’re looking for a friend. I’ve found one that is going through a hard patch in her life at this time. They have not been able to discuss moving forward with things due to life (we live in different states).

I feel like I’m just being a burden to all these women in my life just because I have an unfulfilled personal desire to feel the attachment of love that comes with sex.

I just want a respectful relationship where physical needs are met. My wife has given me so much and I have so much a sense of duty to my kids and her. I need to take care of them. She wants me to be taken care of as well… and I feel like that need is a burden to those around me.

Thanks for listening/reading this.