If you're a man in a relationship with a woman and you're considering opening it up, Please understand this: You will never, EVER, get a number of matches that come even come close to what your partner will. Never. Get it through your head.

There are so many posts here from men who are heartbroken, thinking something's wrong with them because they get 1, 2, maybe 3 matches in a few months, while their female counterpart gets the same number in an hour.

So if you're with a woman partner says she wants to "spice things up" or she wants to "try something new" or whatever, be ready for this. Understand that she will be out dating and you will be home, alone, and be ready for this. For days, weeks, and even months. If your partner really wants to do this together with you, they need to understand this too.

​

There's nothing wrong with you. You are a man in a world that is catered toward men dating, it's just how it is. Please don't draw any conclusion from this. Please also don't consider paying for any dating apps (they are basically all a scam at the end), and please, don't take your frustration out on your partner who is probably clueless and have no idea how you feel, because you guys didn't talk about this, because how could you, you're new, which is why you're reading this, right?

A couple of tips that come from my own experience:

1. Get busy with hobbies you always wanted to do but didn't have the time. Learn to enjoy the alone time.
2. Work on yourself. See a therapist, for a while maybe. It can do a world of good for you.
3. Keep a journal. Commit to it.
4. Exercise. Seriously. Pushups, crunches, planks, no need to go to gym. Do them naked when you're alone, learn to appreciate your body.
5. Find people in events you may be interested in.
6. Take yourself out on a date. A movie, a restaurant, go to the bar (not to get drunk just for fun).

Be kind to others here and elsewhere. Work on your listening skills and develop friendships. It's those friendships that will develop to trust and intimacy as time passes.

Please, I hope someone puts this in a place where all the guys who come here can see. I feel so bad for all these men who are just clueless, their confidence shattered, While OKC and Tinder and all these horrible greedy apps are one of the leading profitable areas in the market.

Edit:
Obviously there are a lot of comments...
I'm going to try to find the ones that have more of a "pattern" and answer those. This is a good discussion! thanks everyone.

Please - even if you disagree, that's fine! Just explain what and I will at least read. I'm really interested to hear you out, and if it's ok with you get back to you with questions.

Thanks!!

Conclusion

This post has a lot of comments. Most people were kind and provided good feedback, and I want to address some of the more repeated points.

First, women have it hard too. Quantity is not quality, as it was said here, and I agree. No one is trying to start a competition here of who has it worse - as a matter of fact, one of the points that I hope came across is that viewing dating as a competition is a big part of the problem.

Second, I originally said "it's a world that is catered for women dating," which is wrong. What I meant is not what I said. The different dating apps are designed for us men, to use our desire (horniness) against us and to emphasize women as a desired product.

Third, related, there are men here who said they are successful and that it's actually backwards for them - they are the ones with more matches. While still a minority (from what I see here), there seems to be a pattern to this: less reliance on dating apps. Basically, the less you use them, the better, or so it seems.

There are more things that were said, and as with many other posts, some are quick to lash out. The only thing I'd like to correct is the assumption (based on the langue I used) that I'm a cis heteosexual man. Without giving into too much personal information, this is wrong. While this post is addressed for "men" and "women," take it as you'd like. I lost the ability to keep track of the correct terms and labels that seem to change every time, and then I just gave up. There's no satisfying everyone.

Finally, of course, this is an advice from my own experience. Don't take it as commands to do and not do and please don't treat this post as such. Take it apart and use what you'd like.