Edit: it was! He had gone with a woman to her place and they hooked uo. I was so curious about it that I just HAD to ask about it during our phone call. I dreaded it first, but in the end he just told me everything (probably exaggerating the negative aspects a little and minimizing the positive ones to not hurt my feelings) and we had the best conversation about it! Very happy now, thank you for your great advice.

I think my partner had his first proper ENM experience last night and I wanted to share my story and emotions here and ask for advice how to maintain the mainly positive feelings I have right now. Thanks for reading!

My bf (27m) and I(30f) have been in an open relationship since we'e became official, we've been together for about 1 year now.

Last night he attended a big social/sports event that ended in a party. A perfect setting to meet someone: about 150 people present and you have some immediate common ground because you play the same sport. I was having a nice dinner and sleepover with some college friends (completely platonic). When I went to bed at 1am, I texted him to have fun and that I love him. He replied with a heart emoji and nothing more at 3am.

He usually sends me a voice message after a night out, so I think this time he was not alone and therefore couldn't reply as usual. But I can't confirm anything right now, for two reasons:

-it's early morning here right now and he's still in bed anyways (maybe alone, maybe not)

• we have a rule about communicating our experiences: while he is more comfortable hearing about my encounters over the phone, I much prefer hearing his stories in person (so far he has only kissed a woman in a nightclub). And because I will only see him next week, I rather don't want to ask anyway right now.

I think I feel... Excited? I was looking forward to him having a sexual encounter with another woman, as I had quite a few already and was always worried that he would perceive it as unfair (which he never voiced, btw). Also, the fact that another woman would want him or that I have to "share" him makes me even more attracted to him. Lastly (and this point may be controversial, I hope I can phrase it in a way that makes sense), it reminds me that I cannot take him for granted, that another person could swoop in and charm him away from me if I don't make sure to be a good partner for him. Of course I am trying my best to be a good partner for him in any case, but I guess the reality of him having a sexual experience with someone (that potentially could also feel romantic, I can't control how he and she feel when they are together) makes the possibility of "losing" him more tangible. But I don't mean it in a bad way, it's more like a gratitude exercise for me. Like "wow, this other woman will get to know him in a very intimate way and because I think he's such an amazing man, she may think that too."

But of course, not all is perfect. The last feeling I described comes very close to jealousy, and I feel that too. It's rooted in insecurities. What if he finds her body more attractive than mine? What if she feels tighter than me (very big insecurity of mine for whatever reason, I can't even say where that one comes from)? What if they have a great emotional connection and he realizes that she is very chill and rational like he is (I am way more emotional), and thus wants to hang out more with her?

I have learned to calm these thoughts down by telling me that any experience he has with someone else is just different, not better or worse. Because this is how I feel with my encounters. They're great in their own way, but I cannot compare to the intimacy I have with my partner. Also, I can always fall back on our rule that we are romantically exclusive, meaning that hookups and FWBs are fair game, while proper polyamory is not something we are looking for. Of course that wouldn't prevent him for falling in love with someone else, but I do trust him that he would at least have a conversation with me should he become romantically interested in someone else and that he wouldn't take someone on a date without my consent.

Long story short, I feel a little bit of all the emotions, and I just wanted to share them in a safe space. If you have any advice on how to keep on the more positive side of things mentally and emotionally, I appreciate them :)