Hi, 40 cis man here. Thing's been good in life. I do things I like, I enjoy my quiet quality time more these days, partners are awesome, vacations are planned...

Well, all's good besides the dating part. I live in one of the best places for ENM (name here gives it up), but I'm having hard time with the apps. Tinder, OKC, Bumble. I know it's the ENM on the profile, as evident from other guys here, but for me it's a must, these days I have low tolerance even toward those with "curiosity" toward ENM.

I'd say I look alright, slim / athletic even, stable in my relationships (over a decade) and have some emotional bandwidth to meet and date. But it's crickets. The two women who messaged me on Tinder in the last two months or so ran away as soon as I explained what ENM is... in the meantime, OKC is flooded with "solo poly" folks who have no problem with dating a poly guy as long as they are the primaries and dating will lead to moving in and eventually even marriage (from talks I had with them)... OK, so different labels, same story, not surprising.

Besides this being a vent though, doing my "usual" rounds to ask if anyone has an advice, something that worked out better, maybe an app that is good and I haven't heard about... I'm even considering paying for premium on some of these dating apps but from what I read and know this is a terrible idea (it doesn't help, it's expensive, and dating apps are one of the worse privacy offenders out there).

So. Guys, what are some of your success stories? What worked?

And women, what do you think helps you decide if a guy is honest and worth dating?

This is open to all genders by the way, I just don't have all the terms.

Thanks..!!