My husband and I have been dabbling in nonmonogamy for about three years now. We have tried so many iterations of what fits for us at any given moment, and have done everything from me falling in love with my puzzle piece 🧩 who will always be special to me, to the most casual sex/orgies at the sex club. It’s all fun in its own way, and there is no “one fit” for us. We enjoy different kinds of relationships for what they are. But this only works because we also tend to always be on the same page, open and honest about what we are feeling about our connections with others, always keeping each other in the loop.

So it’s frustrating when other people don’t operate in the same way. We’ve been seeing a couple for several months and I really like them both as people and as friends. And the husband REALLY likes me. I love the attention he gives me and would like to be all in with him too, but the wife is not okay with the feelings he’s developing for me. I’ve been through this before where the wife isn’t on the same page, so I am trying very hard to go at her speed and respect her boundaries around everything I can. Even when he plows ahead.

I have called him on this behavior and told him it makes me uncomfortable when he pushes at her boundaries and puts me in a bad spot. He swears she “just needs time to adjust” and to be patient. But she tells me she will NEVER be okay with the kind of relationship he wants. My husband thinks she needs to let go of some of her fears and just let it happen, but he can say that easily coming from the open and honest place in which we operate. I’m not sure they have the same thing at home. Lots of opinions around all of this!!

I’m not even sure why I’m typing all this out. I don’t think I need advice. I just wanted to get it out. In print. I’m going to continue hanging out with both of them, but respect her boundaries as my number one priority, whether they are what I’d prefer or not. I’m not going to let him suck me into his NRE, even though that’s very tempting.

We will see where this goes… which is always exciting with something new. I’m open to whatever it becomes, but only if everybody is on board. 🤷🏻‍♀️