I came to ENM to experience more freedom, empowerment, and equity in romantic relationships. My previous mono relationships were defined by control and enmeshment - Men wanting me to submit to their leadership, telling me what I could and couldn’t do; and I prematurely submitting to their influence, subjugating my desires to theirs. While I have no qualms with being the feminine to a masculine man whom I respect, feel safe and seen by, my body feels so uncomfortable with men who want to control or objectify me. I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy, and have learned to put myself first and ask for what I need and desire, and that is what led me to exploring this community.

I am ambiamorous and believe that the freedom, empowerment, and equity that I desire exists in mono and non-mono relationships. As I explore deeper into the non-mono world, I do see many healthy and equitable relationships, but I also encounter many where the women “just play along” - Never saying no to whatever their male partners desire. While their male partners allow them freedom too, the women are passive about their desires - They’re kind of just there for the ride. I’m not sure if they even know what they want.

I’ve been so inspired by the couples I’ve met in this community. I’d love to hear your personal experience of healthy power dynamics/masculine-feminine polarity in your non-mono relationships, so I can stay inspired instead of scared.