My partner (20FTM) and I (20FTM) have been together for almost a year and a half, and discussions about our shared interest in ENM started from VERY early in the relationship. We shared a really fantastic monogamous relationship for the first 10-ish months (partly COVID, partly new-relationship-infatuation), and opened up to casual sexual encounters/FWBs in February.

I struggled with a lot more feelings than I expected (intense jealousy and insecurity; not helped by the first FWB my partner had who did not respect our relationship), but I have done a lot of reading and work on how I respond to my feelings and do very much enjoy the experiences we are currently having—mostly, this looks like my boyfriend having hookups with our FWB (19FTM) while I’m at work, and I join in for threesomes (or foursomes, with the FWB’s boyfriend [19FTM]).

Aside from the occasional jealousy that I/my partner work through, I have this really weird shame come up and I’m wondering if anyone else experiences it. I don’t feel shame when I have hookups on my own, but I DO feel a weird shame in response to the intense compersion I sometimes experience when he is having sex with our FWB. I am really good friends with the FWB and I feel such a genuine joy knowing that my boyfriend feels safe and comfortable enough to be having fun, fantastic sex with this really awesome dude. I’m guessing the weird monogamy standard I’ve been raised to expect is playing a role in why I feel ashamed of my compersion—does anyone else have this feeling?