I'm in an open relationship, but we are not open about it. I have a good friend with many added benefits. He is also nonmonogamous, but in the middle of a difficult divorce. So, mostly out of respect of our spouses, we act like friends in public. We need to keep away from where we can meet his exes/friends, my colleagues, parents from his children's school and people who know my husband.

Behind closed doors, in hotels, Airbnbs or at his place at certain hours when no one is expected home in a long time, we are lovers (although he would never use that word, he doesn't like labels).

Honestly, I hate this! He says he is proud to be seen with me, but still... all this hiding makes me feel like I am something that should be hidden. Maybe my self esteem wasn't the best to begin with, but this is actually taking its toll and making me feel shameful, bad, ugly.

Don't know where I'm going with this, guess I just needed to vent. Any advice or commiserating is welcome.