Hello. So, I [f41] am in an open relationship with my partner [m35] since 4 years.

Y1 we were seeing each other occasionally, no commitments, no expectations / no issues from both sides seeing other ppl

Y2 we got hooked with stronger feelings and hormones peak. We fell in love! / I was fulfilled - he saw girls but it didn't annoy me

Y3-4 lockdown stuck together (overseas) / no possibility to meet anyone else anyway

Y4-now back to "normal life" as we live in different countries we spend /- 2 months together and /- 2 months apart. / I am not interested by side fun - he's constantly on his Tinder and had fling with side girls (while not together)

My concern is that i feel sad, judgmental and tend to consider him as an a-hole because he doesn't tell the side girls that he's already in a relationship. I know it's my ego concern but it really decreases my feelings for him as i consider that it's not honest. Every time, those girls expect more and get heartbroken. His flings usually lasts few days and then he loses interest. The hunt dopamine is gone.

First years it was a different dynamic so i didn't even thought about it but now we are solid partners, sharing life and a business together and i really feel bad about his "lies" (he says he doesn't lie but don't mention it/me)

Also my ex husband had a double life. His mistress knew about me but i realized about her existence only after 2 years. So i have trauma from that experience as well.

I want to convince myself that what he does and how he manages his life, other relationships is none of my business and that i shouldn't not judge him but i don't see things same way and I'm not sure I can keep a relationship with someone who does that. If i had to meet him today i would not get involved in a relationship with him knowing his mindset.

I am very confused. Any sharing of different point of views is most welcome. Thanks!