I’ll try to keep this question as simple and as I can…

Often I hear that ENM is NOT a fix to a relationship. However, in a 12-year relationship here and we love each other deeply. Our only ENM experiences together have been 3-ways and he wanted me to cuck him, but I didn’t enjoy performing.

However, our sex life is dull, we have different kinks/interests, and whereas my partner is a carnal lover, I’m a romantic lover. Whereas I wouldn’t say “dead” bedroom, my partner cannot perform unless there’s porn on. I’m fine with porn, but I definitely feel the lack of desire for ME as I slob on his knob or ride his rod while he stares at the television.

So my question — if we’re BOTH interested in the idea, is embracing a more open version of ENM considered an attempt to “fix” things between us?

I’ve heard people say “you need to be 100% secure in your own relationship by opening, not using ENM as a catalyst to fix things.” But then in the same breath that same person will say it’s “foolish to expect all your needs to be fulfilled by 1 single person.” I feel like those statements themselves directly contradict each other. For ENM, you have to be comfortable in your own sex life with your partner but also keep in mind that your sex life will always be lack-luster compared to what other needs you have?

Having trouble navigating. Thoughts?