Due to my crippling depression and the combination of antidepressants and antipsychotics my sex drive is dead. We have been together for three years now. So I agreed to open up the relationship to non-monogamy. So he can still has sex but not feel weighed down by me. But now the trouble is that he is has had sex a few times now since starting but I have yet to meet anyone on the hook up apps. I blame my weight as I am obese and he is not. The first night he started he meet up with a guy on grindr in a rest stop in the middle of the night without letting me know. The only way I found out was that my dog was barking in her kennel and I checked he wasn't in bed. Then he sees someone else on saturday This also leaves me alone during most nights. All of this compounds into me breaking down into tears over this, he knows this but still chooses to continue doing it. I feel that it's unfair if he has all the sexual capital in the relationship and he can score all the time, meanwhile I legit only get grief while using grindr. I am at my wits end with this and the suicidal idealation starts to fester in my mind due to whole situation I don't know what to do. A few days pass, crying and yelling on and off. Until he drops the bombshell that he has been having unprotected sex and now has an STI. I am at a loss of words and feeling.