Surely I’m not the only one who didn’t have their first sexual experiences as a teenager or in college?

I sometimes feel angry when someone mentions their first sexual experiences when they were so young. Maybe because I feel like I missed out? Some kind of sexual FOMO? I do remember in middle and high school that things did happen. Also remember teachers peeling kids apart during school dances. I was just this queer kid confused about what I was witnessing and hearing about.

In college I just felt like an observer (and not in the possibly fun voyeuristic way, sorry). College kids having crazy ridiculous fun. Meanwhile, most of my sex-related stories from college involve a lot of religious trauma. But because I didn’t come into my own as a sexual person until I graduated college, I feel like I missed out on this socially acceptable period of time of sexual experimentation and life changing experiences. Now I’m at the age when people around me have moved on from “fun” to “married with kids” life stage. Sure, I can tell myself that it’s just one of those things that makes me queer, to not fit into this heteronormative life stage progression thing. Yet, to see other people—especially friends and cousins, people I love—going thru all the expected stages of a conventional life gets me down.

Anyway, I was just thinking this might be the right place to find people who have had similar feelings about being a late bloomer when it comes to sex. I still feel out of sorts about it. I’m in my 30s now and still growing. Still learning about myself. And it’s hard to feel okay about that most days.